Chapter One

Meet Julian, the crown price of Elsia, and his friend the court magician Ndarmna.

 

Chapter One

The boy’s feet pattered eagerly on the tiled floor of the palace. He ignored his mother’s sharp cry of, “Prince Julian, you come here this instant!” and continued headlong to the North Wing of the palace of Elsia. This was his favorite part of the day.

As he burst through the heavy oaken doors standing slightly ajar, he skidded down to a slower pace and breathed the delicious smell of flowers and sunshine and birdsong. He remembered his twin Luella laughing at him once, saying that birdsong didn’t smell nice, in fact it didn’t smell at all; but he knew that such a nice sound must.

The courtyard garden was filled with green and yellow and red and blue and rich brown... how he envied the gardeners who worked there all day! And the beautiful colored light playing on the leaves and earth, filtered June sunlight coming through the stained glass dome on the yard. He sat patiently on the creamy marble fountain edge, watching the crystal water splashing and swirling out of the mermaid’s hands.

I wish I was a mermaid, he thought. A boy one, though; one made of marble, sitting quietly with birds chattering around and water flowing out of my perfectly carved hands. No-one would scold me or make me study, I would just sit and listen and watch and feel the blue water bubbling around my tail and smooth marble orb seat...

There he was, the man now whom the boy had been waiting for! Julian jumped up and ran to him. His eyes crinkled up in fun and he dropped his golden staff a second to wrap the boy up in his dark arms. “Your royal highness!” he laughed. “The crown prince of Elsia, eh?”

“Oh, Ndarmna. Come on, you know you don’t need to say that. It’s too long!” Julian stepped away from the old man and watched his long white beard moving as he picked up his staff again and they walked together across the remainder of the courtyard and into the door on the opposite side of the garden.

“How are your Royal Mother and Divine Father?” asked Ndarmna as they strolled down the cool hall. By ancient tradition and law, he was required to call the King and Queen by their official titles, even in pleasant conversation.

“Oh, they’re fine. Same as usual. They said I had to study some more today, but I wanted to come and see you. Anyway, I want to escape the hunting trip this afternoon. Such outings are sooo boring, don’t you think?”

“You should not talk so of your rulers!”

“But it’s true. You always say that, and I don’t see why it’s so important. They’ll never find out, they hate coming into the North Wing. Why do you think that?”

“It might be on account of me here, young Prince. I am a foreign court magician, and this is my dwelling place. They respect me, and perhaps are cautious towards me.”

“What sort of King is frightened of his own court magician! Hey, Ndarmna, I overheard Alicey talking to Mother recently. Do you know what she said?”

“I hope you are not repeating some gossip.”

“No! She said you are a wizard. A real live wizard! Is that true?”

Ndarmna chuckled. “That is very highly unlikely, young sir! Do you not remember the War of Wizards?”

“Oh yeah. I forgot. You said that they died out. Also, a kitchen hand said you could shape-change.”

The magician laughed long and loud this time. “You spend too much of your time with servants and workers. Do not listen to their chatter; only a few can shape-change, and I assure you a simple court magician cannot!”

“Do you know everything in the whole wide world?”

“Oh, no. I know more than the average person, but only a fraction of what this wide and mysterious land holds.”

“I think you do.”

“Hah! Oh, my dear little prince, here we are at my study. Come in with me, and we shall talk.”

Julian did a little skip into the study. It was covered in strange old musty papers and ink and leather bound books. Ndarmna didn’t tidy up much, it was evident.

An old black cloak was lying crumpled on the floor. The magician looked at it and held his fingers to his lips for the boy to be silent. Puzzled, he obeyed and watched as his friend sighed loudly and said, “Oh dear. That apprentice Naje of mine must learn not to throw his clothes around! I had better get it out of the way.”

The man kicked it from his path and a yelp emitted from it. It rolled away and spun taller until lithely dark hands pulled it away from a teenage face. “Master! You knew I was practicing my preliminary invisibility studies. Don’t be cruel.” He glanced at Julian, and his smiling face turned into a scowl. “And especially don’t set a bad example for His Royal Highness the Crown Prince Julian.”

Julian burst into laughter. The apprentice sneered. “Sorry, Your Royal Highness the Crown Prince Julian. We’re doing lessons now. Didn’t your Royal Mother tell you to scram and meet the new tutor?”

“Naje, you have not completed your assignments yet,” replied the old man. “Go and catch up on that reading you missed from last time.”

Naje frowned, but did as he was told. Julian shivered when he gave a last spiteful look at the boy. He knows I won’t dob, sighed the prince inwardly. He shouldn’t treat me like that, but he also knows I’m to have met the new tutor whatsisname already. I’d need a jolly good excuse for being here anyway.

Ndarmna sat on the large study armchair and drew Julian on his lap. Julian could smell the strange spices on the magician’s exotic clothing. “Where are you from?” he asked. The old man smiled and gladly told of his country.

And so the young Prince Julian was transported far from the dusty little study, to the land of Yenom; to joy and riches and tragedy and failure and defeat and victory. He saw where Ndarmna has worked for a squabbling prince, then had fled with his master. Such stories held him with wonder and fascination always. Ndarmna could do that.

Finally, the magical story came to an end. Julian asked, “Where is your master now?”

“He erthemmed. To erthem is to catch Magician’s Plague.” Ndarmna’s voice caught slightly, but recovered quickly. “He died soon after I became court magician here.”

“When was that?”

“Long before you, your Divine Father, your Divine Grandfather or even your Divine Great-Grandfather was born.”

“You must be very old. Very, very, old. My great-grandfather was old. He was born over a hundred years ago.”

Ndarmna laughed. “Oh, my dear prince. Yes, I am very old.” He cocked an ear. “There is Naje now. He must have finished his reading.”

Julian listened too, but he could hear nothing. “I don’t hear him.”

“Look behind you, Julian!” grinned the master magician. Julian did.

What he saw knocked him over backwards. A ghoulish terror shaped as a tall man robed unfathomably in a dark cape loomed before him. The boy could see right through him. “Th.. th... that’s not Naje!” he squeaked in terror. “W... w... what is it?”

Julian turned back to look at his friend, then back at the specter. Except... where was it? Only Naje, strolling and whistling into the room. Uncontrollably, the apprentice laughed out suddenly.

“You should have seen your face, Your Royal Highness the Crown Prince Julian!” he jeered. “When you’re king you can’t be scared of an apprentice court magician practicing his illusion techniques. Hah! I sure did scare you, eh?”

“Naje, you had the boy witless!” reprimanded his master. “I forbid any more tricks like that again. And your left foot was patchy.” Turning to Julian, he said, “Sorry, dear prince. Naje loves to prank at the wrong time. Maybe you should go and meet your new tutor now, eh?”

Wide-eyed, the boy nodded and scampered out of the study fast. He ran down the corridor past quizzical servants and only slowed down when he came to the courtyard garden. Sitting down again on the fountain edge, he drank some and cooled his parched throat. Yes, perhaps it was time to go and meet the tutor.

Why had he been so scared? Naje had done that sort of thing before, but now Julian had felt a strange tingling at the base of his spine, a cold prickling. Again, the boy shivered. This tingling made him feel helpless and frozen. He didn’t like it.

 

◊◊◊

 

A man gingerly felt his way along the walls, his soft lithe hands brushing past the rough sandstone. It was strange, the way such a beautiful shining jewel of a city should become so inhospitable and unwelcoming in the night, especially with the moon hidden behind the dark clouds. Never trust first impressions, he thought, repeating the maxim. It was one of his own, and quite a good one too, so he thought.

He hoped the moon wouldn’t come out again as it had the hour before. It cast shadows, long and eerie, over his path. Though a friend of the shadows, he preferred absolute darkness, with no light to penetrate it.

Hands still probing the walls, his fingers came across splintery wood instead of the stone fortifications. Good, he had reached the little north-west gate. He felt all around it, gauging the size. Then, still in total pitch dark, he picked the lock. Simple, he thought, letting the well-oiled hinges swing open.

He slipped in, the cool night air biting his cheek. Now the easy part. Waiting.

Soon she came along, blundering, her lantern casting its beams over the walls and the gloomy orchard trees. The man’s eyes adjusted instantly as he winced. “You fool!” he hissed. “A blind drunkard could see that beacon you’re lighting for the city!”

“Sawry, mister. I dassn’t come without it at nighttime, sir! Then I wouldn’t be’s able to see! It’s so dark when the moon goes in... I’ve nevers been out of the little house at nighttime ‘fore...”

“Cease that babbling, housewife,” said the man again, grabbing the light and snuffing it out swiftly. “Darkness is what we need now. Come with me, outside the city’s walls. We shall sit in the pools of darkness and be safe.”

“But mister! I can’t sees nothing now! And I fergot me matches too. I’ll never get that thing lit agin.” Her voice was anxious.

“Ha.” The man hesitated a split-second, almost offering his hand to her. But he didn’t. Sighing under his breath as he heard the woman’s bumbling, he snapped, “See the wall with your fingers. See the path with your feet. See your surroundings with your ears and nose. Use your head, woman.”

“My name’s Rita,” she said softly, a hint of stubbornness creeping into her words.

“Ha,” he said again, and crept outside the gate. He shut it and locked it again, without aid of the key he had unnecessarily stolen or his burdensome purse of lock-picks.

“How’d you be doing that, mister?” whispered Rita in awe. “My boy kin pick locks too. A clever lad he is. He’s only twelve, sir, an’ he kin...” She stopped, a cold yet soft hand locked over her mouth.

The man removed his hand. “I’ll do the talking for now. Listen. Oh, and when you go... don’t speak of this to your idling gossips you call ‘friends’.”

Rita’s eyes widened, a smile creeping into her face. “Ah! A secrit, sir?”

“Yes. Our own, private, secret.” He smiled, unseen in the dark. 

Author's Note

It it a good enough hook?

Reviews

[Lorelee Tate]

Overall, I think this was a very strong chapter. I really only have three suggestions.

I'll start with the shorter one. Earlier on in the chapter, it says that Ndarmna must call the king and queen by their full titles even in conversation, but later on he just calls the king "your father" when he's talking to Julian. I think for continuity's sake, it would be best to change it. I'm guessing that was just an oversight on your part. That happens to everyone. :)

I didn't really think that Julian's dialogue was very character-appropriate. Sure, it sounded like a little boy was talking, but it sounded like a modern-day little boy, one who isn't a crown prince. Even if he dislikes studying, Julian would be better educated than most as a royal. When he says something like "gonna" instead of going to, he sounds more common and modernized. Just my opinion, of course. Also, I didn't really think it fit for Naje to say "scram." That seemed out of place to me.

As an introduction to the characters, I'd have to say that I think this chapter was most successful with Julian and Naje. With Ndarmna, I felt as though all the descriptions of his past were a little forced, as though it just needed to be said, so it was stuck in here. If Julian and Ndarmna are such good friends, wouldn't Julian already know some of this, or even most of it? Also, I think it might be more effective to figure out some way of showing how Ndarmna's past has affected him, instead of just telling it. Try to think of some way to do for Ndarmna what you did for Naje-- instead of saying that Naje is a prankster, you showed the reader a prank. I thought that was much more effective. As for needing this chapter for the story, I think I would need to read more of the story in order to decide if it's important.

I hope you find these suggestions helpful to you. I did think this chapter was very well-written and I look forward to more.

Lora

[Chiree Alyssa]

You are very talented =]