Empty Soul

A mask obscures my soul

From the moment I wake up.

Showing emotions is a weakness;

But my composed image is a fallacy.

I fear rejection from a corrupt society,

Opinions matter more than my health.

And the thing about life is

That I just can't seem to live.

My tongue is burdened with gossip,

My mind is filled with sarcasm.

Hurtful comments will not escape me,

Painful memories choose not to depart,

This heart of mine is neither cruel nor loving;

I am a shell in which nothing can survive.

When does a cover become too much to handle?

When does a lie turn into your life?

I hide from love when I should embrace it,

Warmth and kindness make me shy away.

I am a shell in which nothing can survive,

I am a master of my personal hell. 

Author's Note

Rate/Review! Thank you for reading!

Reviews

[I Am Svetlana]

It takes much patience to be able to endure & experience our own Hell we've made for ourselves. But when it comes down to it, we all deserve love, even if we feel we don't. Having anxiety makes each day a constant struggle for me, but thanks to my job, I have been learning to cope with my surroundings & strive to be the best I can be. Society can't control your life, others opinions of you shouldn't matter. We just have to take each day as a lesson, a clean slate. Do things that make you smile & feel calm. I know how it feels to not feel like you're "good enough" for this world, but be the best 'you' that you can be. The dark feelings will pass eventually, but they always have their ways of trying to haunt us. Don't let them win...don't let them convince you of awful things. Leave the past in the past & just keep moving forward.

[Lost, n'MT]

As somebody who can personally relate to what you're expressing in this piece, you've captured it extremely well. It's painful to read this because I can feel your emotions and pain in each line and stanza. Reading this feels like what happens when a corrupt backwards close-minded society helps drive and demoralize a kind soul into a broken/empty soul.

I hope I am wrong, but this is the type of piece that I don't think one can write or even understand unless they live it and experience firsthand just what it feels like to live it. I know where you're coming from as having lived a similar journey, and I applaud your courage for being able to share this and greatly admire your talent for being able to express so many feeling and emotions in a concise and accurate depiction. I notice that you wrote and/or posted this in 2010, and while I realize a lot of what you described and expressed in this piece likely hasn't or doesn't completely go away... I do hope however that you're in a much better place in your mind and in your life. I look forward to reading more of your writings in the future. Once again, well done and beautiful written!

[Kristen]

Reading through everything the past few days... I've realized I haven't changed as much as I had convinced myself I had (does that make sense?...). I read these pieces and laugh initially at my attempt at darkness at 14 y.o., yet... I'm still struggling with the same thing underneath it all, I think. Idk. It's late at night once again. But thank you! I am in a better place now, mentally. I think. Days include regression and progression. Overall, though? Progression. I wish the same for you.

[Lost, n'MT]

I know the feeling. Whenever I read one of my poems, "Rejection", I go back to the mindset I was in when I wrote it and just how terrible I felt. Then I realize it was about a girl that really didn't mean too much in hindsight, and yet I find myself in many situations since about women who meant even more than last... and yet my mindset and react tend to react the same. I don't think it's so much that we're not changing (I do believe we're evolving even if we can't see it because we're too close the situation aka too deep in the forest to see the trees), but we often resort to our old ways and mindsets at times even if we know better. I think that's natural, and I definitely believe it can be improved upon even if we're improving without seeing the results we desire or as quickly as we desire. It makes sense though IMO.. I look back to something terrible that happened to me at say 14 or pick any age, and I think to how I would feel and react if it happened to me now. And while I know better and am somewhat wiser and somewhat more evolved, I think I would be just as sad and just as hurt. But I do know better, and I am better at controlling how I react (at times) even though there are still times that I just lose control and feel so dejected that it seems like I haven't improved at all or even regressed. I believe we judge ourselves with too critical of an eye, but I believe it's normal. I believe the mistake we make is that we think being strong and more evolved is not experiencing pain

To paraphrase a quote, Bravery and strength isn't the absence of fear, hurt, and pain... but rather the ability to look it all in the face and CHOOSE to overcome it. The pain is just as real as powerful as it's ever been, and that likely isn't going to change because it can't change. If we don't fear or feel hurt by something that once caused us pain, then it really has no power anymore. Which leads to the realization that isn't doesn't have any power to begin with, until we give it the power to make us fear and to make us hurt. The key isn't learning how to stop the thoughts, feelings, and issues of our past that are still in our present, but rather learning how to react to it and choose not to not give it power. And what's the key to that is what I've been wondering and trying to learn for years. I believe the struggles are needed to first teach us what it feels like, and to force to either keep giving our power to it or to learn through pain, time, and experience just how to realize that we have the ability and choice to not accept it. We need to fail several times in order to learn. We need to know pain to appreciate the absence of pain. It reminds me of another quote that really moved me about the two wolfs.

My apologies if you're aware of it, but it''s powerful not to share IMO.

"An old man tells his grandson; "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth." The boy thought about it and asked: "Grandfather, which wolf wins?" The old man quietly replied: "The one you feed."

That really spoke to me, but it wasn't enough. To have knowledge is enough. Knowledge is neither good or bad but neutral. It's the wisdom and bravery that's needed to use knowledge... for good and for bad. It will take strength, time, more painful learning experience, more tears, more lonely and sometimes terrifying nights, and a lot of good mixed in (IF WE ALLOW IT), and we have a lifetime to learn and figure it out as we try to get by and make the most out of what life throws our way. The choice is ours, and the fact that we've both experienced progression is a positive sign that we're getting closer to the right path, and at least we're on the right path and closer to finding the right direction. I can honestly say I wouldn't be able to think or truly comprehend that at 14 or any other younger age. And I don't think I would have ever truly grasped it if I had not endured the pain required to truly understand that knowledge. But knowledge is not enough like I said, and it's up to use to gain and use our wisdom to take action in better ourselves. I know we're both capable of it, and I trust that we reach that destination even if it takes longer than we anticipated and/or hoped for. The fact that it's obtaining is enough reason to fight for it. I sincerely wish you the best on your path to progression and being and feel fulfilled. We must be strong, we must be brave, we must have faith and believe.

[Emrick]

The 4th stanza is wow. that shell pic reminds me of my girlfriend.i sent her a twin shell exactly like that wit a note saying she went with my heart.i wonder if she still has it or maybe she threw it away.

[Antonio Valentino]

When does a cover become too much to handle?
When does a lie turn into your life?
I hide from love when I should embrace it,
Warmth and kindness make me shy away.

That was great, wonderful job with this.
Antonio

[Sweet & Tender Hooligan]

A very powerful, honest and conflicted piece. A thought provoking read full of a lot of emotion.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I think this was a really nice write. I enjoyed it as well. It's deep and I love poems that are deep. So very nice job on this. Thanks for sharing.

[Ashley June Canfield]

I really enjoyed this.
You write really well

[Zakkarias Astrophel]

Its is poems like these that make me peer into myself just to see what lies in wait there.
Moments in time when nothing satisfies and what everyone considers happy and good to be
Fades like the very fabric of life itself.....
Good poem

[VIK]

nice....

[Tony]

Wow! Thought provoking work. Really feeling the conflict in this one.