Insomnia + school = poetry? I'll go with it.
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**3/19/14: THANK YOU THANK YOU for all of the kind words of support that have been left below, as well as the amount of people who have even glanced over this piece! I appreciate every bit of it.**
My Review
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This reminds me of one of many sleepless nights where I never took the pen to paper to write down what I was feeling, but you did so wonderfully in this piece as I spent the majority of teens years and beyond as an insomniac. Again, similar to the last piece I just read... I don't see how one can truly appreciate or fully understand the pain and emotion behind this unless you live the life style and experience it every night. Some of my best writings came out night, and I hope it has been as helpful for you as it had once been for me in the past. The third stanza triggers memories of where I'd look in the mirror 4AM in the morning after hours of insomnia and not be able to recognize the person I saw looking at back at me. Sometimes it was during those hours where I felt "my truest self" for better and for worse.
"What lay there in the shadows
Are what is keeping me sane.
What lay there in the shadows
Are the memories of pain. "
I cannot even begin to describe just how true those words ring to me, and just how intense the emotions you must have had while writing it down as I imagine you've also lived and experienced it. Thank you for sharing this. Besides being extraordinarily well written and expressed, it's comfortable to know there's others out there having these same emotionally powerful thoughts and feelings. While it's been very emotional reading your pieces, it's been an absolutely pleasure to read. From writing perspective, you're talented with collaborating everything together while incorporating your rhymes to where it doesn't feel forced at all and flows naturally to what is already an powerful piece. I am stickler for rhymes as the majority of my writings includes rhymes and what had initially drew me to this type of poetry. I really enjoy your style, and I think you did a phenomenal job capturing the emotion and pain behind this piece while blending it perfectly with your flow and rhyming style. Excellent read, but even more touching as I can most definitely relate to the type of mindset I imagine was required to write this piece. Fantastic piece all around. I hope continue to keep writing and sharing, these pieces are too good to be kept private although I'd completely understand and respect if you chose to as I had eventually reached that point myself.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Insomnia is a devil, ay? "The third stanza triggers memories of where I'd look in the mirror 4AM in .. read moreInsomnia is a devil, ay? "The third stanza triggers memories of where I'd look in the mirror 4AM in the morning after hours of insomnia and not be able to recognize the person I saw looking at back at me. Sometimes it was during those hours where I felt "my truest self" for better and for worse." That's exactly what I was trying to convey. I'm not sure anyone who hasn't been there could understand. Insomnia may seem like a trivial thing initially, but it can really destroy you.
This piece has been and will probably continue to be the most pain-inducing I've ever written, for whatever reason. Thank you for complimenting my style; it seems that we share quite a similar style, which I had yet to stumble upon until looking at your writing. We all like familiarity perhaps. ;-)
8 Years Ago
Indeed, but in certain ways it can be when you feel most alive. My creative energy tends to be at it.. read moreIndeed, but in certain ways it can be when you feel most alive. My creative energy tends to be at its peak during the night hours for whatever reason. But it too has its dark side, and unfortunately that is usually the side that can dominate and take over as demons can creep in our minds. I cannot imagine anyone being able to relate unless they truly experience it. There are many who don't see the night hours, let alone experience how intense it can be when the darkness takes control. Like many things, it's a blessing and a curse, but the curse can be far too haunting and overwhelming that its' what you usually end up remembering the most.
I can definitely understand that as some of my darkest hours (pardon the pun) during the night hour. Yes, I find this to be the most enjoyable style to both write and read, and I felt you executed it very well from a writing standpoint, but clearly this piece goes far beyond the writing technique, flow, and rhyme scheme, it's the emotion behind that takes it another level and I understand why you consider it your most pain-inducing piece even though I haven't really all of your poems yet.
You''re welcome, and I agree, it been my pleasure. : )
i loved you work how ever you are you are not alone. this reminds me of most of my night so i sleep like a few hours in two days so i liked what you wrote.
I really enjoyed reading this piece! Great job with portraying your deeper emotions when it comes time for night to blanket us. I often struggle with insomnia, but hey, more time for writing & peace, quiet. Something makes me feel so...comfortable when I'm awake at night while the rest of the world is sound asleep. Darkness & silence are the most perfect companions. I tend to write more at night anyway, due to the fact that most of my random ideas for poems decide to come greet me & nag me to write them out before I even have a chance to think about sleeping. My mind is so much more active at night, but not a next morning goes by where I've totally regretted pulling an all-nighter just to work on my writing.
This reminds me of one of many sleepless nights where I never took the pen to paper to write down what I was feeling, but you did so wonderfully in this piece as I spent the majority of teens years and beyond as an insomniac. Again, similar to the last piece I just read... I don't see how one can truly appreciate or fully understand the pain and emotion behind this unless you live the life style and experience it every night. Some of my best writings came out night, and I hope it has been as helpful for you as it had once been for me in the past. The third stanza triggers memories of where I'd look in the mirror 4AM in the morning after hours of insomnia and not be able to recognize the person I saw looking at back at me. Sometimes it was during those hours where I felt "my truest self" for better and for worse.
"What lay there in the shadows
Are what is keeping me sane.
What lay there in the shadows
Are the memories of pain. "
I cannot even begin to describe just how true those words ring to me, and just how intense the emotions you must have had while writing it down as I imagine you've also lived and experienced it. Thank you for sharing this. Besides being extraordinarily well written and expressed, it's comfortable to know there's others out there having these same emotionally powerful thoughts and feelings. While it's been very emotional reading your pieces, it's been an absolutely pleasure to read. From writing perspective, you're talented with collaborating everything together while incorporating your rhymes to where it doesn't feel forced at all and flows naturally to what is already an powerful piece. I am stickler for rhymes as the majority of my writings includes rhymes and what had initially drew me to this type of poetry. I really enjoy your style, and I think you did a phenomenal job capturing the emotion and pain behind this piece while blending it perfectly with your flow and rhyming style. Excellent read, but even more touching as I can most definitely relate to the type of mindset I imagine was required to write this piece. Fantastic piece all around. I hope continue to keep writing and sharing, these pieces are too good to be kept private although I'd completely understand and respect if you chose to as I had eventually reached that point myself.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Insomnia is a devil, ay? "The third stanza triggers memories of where I'd look in the mirror 4AM in .. read moreInsomnia is a devil, ay? "The third stanza triggers memories of where I'd look in the mirror 4AM in the morning after hours of insomnia and not be able to recognize the person I saw looking at back at me. Sometimes it was during those hours where I felt "my truest self" for better and for worse." That's exactly what I was trying to convey. I'm not sure anyone who hasn't been there could understand. Insomnia may seem like a trivial thing initially, but it can really destroy you.
This piece has been and will probably continue to be the most pain-inducing I've ever written, for whatever reason. Thank you for complimenting my style; it seems that we share quite a similar style, which I had yet to stumble upon until looking at your writing. We all like familiarity perhaps. ;-)
8 Years Ago
Indeed, but in certain ways it can be when you feel most alive. My creative energy tends to be at it.. read moreIndeed, but in certain ways it can be when you feel most alive. My creative energy tends to be at its peak during the night hours for whatever reason. But it too has its dark side, and unfortunately that is usually the side that can dominate and take over as demons can creep in our minds. I cannot imagine anyone being able to relate unless they truly experience it. There are many who don't see the night hours, let alone experience how intense it can be when the darkness takes control. Like many things, it's a blessing and a curse, but the curse can be far too haunting and overwhelming that its' what you usually end up remembering the most.
I can definitely understand that as some of my darkest hours (pardon the pun) during the night hour. Yes, I find this to be the most enjoyable style to both write and read, and I felt you executed it very well from a writing standpoint, but clearly this piece goes far beyond the writing technique, flow, and rhyme scheme, it's the emotion behind that takes it another level and I understand why you consider it your most pain-inducing piece even though I haven't really all of your poems yet.
You''re welcome, and I agree, it been my pleasure. : )
What lay there in the shadows
Are what is keeping me sane.
What lay there in the shadows
Are the memories of pain.
you're last two stanzas put depth into this work...
they give the effect to the reader...
I was wondering if "The" in the beginning is necessary:
The shadows beneath my eyes
---
Shadows beneath my eyes...
since the entirety of this verse...
the usage of "Shadow(s)" does not reflect it...
and just hangs around for no immediate purpose...
IMPO --- you can leave it there it you like...
this is your work...
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Thank you, Glen! I appreciate your kind words. I'll take your suggestion into consideration!
While the rest of the world sleeps
I remain awake and alert in the darkness....These two lines are totally belong to me because I mostly do the same, I meant, I usually, read and write my stuffs in nights when rest of the world go sleeps. I do believe, "if today your awaken in nights, tomorrow you'll be up in the sky as a starring star which stares all the night!"
I adore this poem because you've expressed much through this piece.
Keep up the great job!
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you Stephen! I'll try to get around to reading some of your writing soon, I haven't been on th.. read moreThank you Stephen! I'll try to get around to reading some of your writing soon, I haven't been on this site in quite a while!
10 Years Ago
It's my pleasure, Kristy! Yeah, i'd really love to see you on my pages either. O' yeah, I got that o.. read moreIt's my pleasure, Kristy! Yeah, i'd really love to see you on my pages either. O' yeah, I got that one...I saw that this poem's been dropped in year #2010 so, i'd want to say, it's an honor to me to read this poem in year #2014, that's pretty impressive. I meant, after 4 years, I've got an opportunity to read this beautiful poem.
As you said, that you haven't been on this site in quiet a while so, i'd love to ""Welcome you back to this site" so, "Welcome back, Kristy!" I hope you'd now continue your journey of your beautiful stuffs on this site again. I'd really love to read your new stuffs if you do upload!
10 Years Ago
Aw, much appreciated! I've been pretty stagnant when it comes to writing recently, maybe getting bac.. read moreAw, much appreciated! I've been pretty stagnant when it comes to writing recently, maybe getting back into WritersCafe will get my writing going again. Thanks again!