Chapter 15 - I'm Over It, Maybe.

Title really has nothing to do with this post, haha.

Sorry I didn't keep up with my promise of a new piece of writing every Friday/Saturday this week, or last week... just haven't been in a writing mood I guess.

Nothing new, just needed to add on to this collection of random moods. My best friend is acting strangely and I feel alone. I've been better over the past few weeks, from depression to bipolar... ugh. Bipolar is easier to handle I think, for me at least, because you do have your bright, positive moments every so often. When I have mania my friends interpret it as being hyper, and when I'm in a lower mood my friends think I'm tired. Easier to cover, easier to manage. Vacation's given me time to think, too much time really. I visited three colleges and read some books but didn't really talk to anyone. I hung out with some friends last Sunday but that was basically it for my social life. I kind of want vacation to be over, just because I need to be surrounded by people and their mind-numbing, mundane problems. I found a new song that I like, "Nikorette" by Conor Oberst. I like the lyrics more than the actual song, here's the first verse:

 

"I'm just trying to stay a human being

Sitting in the sun eating ice cream

Texting my friend about a bad, bad dream

Just trying to find someone who knows me"

 

I kind of love it? It sounds like my life. It reminds me of a line from Thriving Ivory's "Angels on the Moon": "I want to sunburn, just to know that I'm alive, to know I'm alive." Because, when I look at it, sometimes I feel anything but human. And I am just trying to find someone who knows me. Yeah, I have friends, but I don't think any of them really, truly gets me. Actually, that probably isn't even possible. I don't think I even understand myself, so it'd be hard for other people to understand me? Funny how I love simplicity, but I myself lack it.

Well, time to end the rambling. Thanks for reading this babble, stay tuned for a new piece [hopefully] next Saturday.

 

Listen to: Nikorette - Conor Oberst

Author's Note

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