Depression

Sitting in a chair, trapped the feeling of darkness swirling my soul watching as my darkself encircles me smiling as I watch as others enjoy their pleasures. Feeling the slices of my darkness's blade pierce my flesh cutting into me taunting me "you want what they have but u are cursed to never enjoy what it feels to enjoy simplicity." Tears run down my face not showing emotion as I keep watching the people feeling the coolness of my blood drip down my body and the sharp pain of my darkness slicing more into me "it's simple this way I can never enjoy only taste and be used only borrowing u when its needed never allowing u to take over only giving what people need never taking anything for myself selfishness isnt me and that's what hurts the most." The sharp pain as the scares run deeper into my body remembering to keep my emotions in check never allowing the sadness to show or to be heard only letting the tears flow when I'm alone, wanting to escape this feeling knowing its jealously poisoning me. My dark self chuckles "your going to feel like this all your life, you cant be what they want u to be only made to be a tool for their own pleasure." Slowly killing the emotions that make me feel this way wanting the darkness to finish its job allow me to be numb and wear my plastic mask to keep others happier than myself, to never let anyone know I want to die, to never allow anyone to feel sad wanting to take their darkness and stockpile it and take it as my own. "Your never going to find the right person your going to feel sadness forever, keep yourself negative only being positive to not let him in to not allow them to help cause once they are in you will only feel pain" my darkness thrusting the blade into my heart but I dont flinch in pain only accepting my fate allowing it to keep happening knowing it's better this way others deserve to be happy as I dont need happiness as long as others get to have it.