Chapter 2: Feeling

Amber had given Kim her number, and they talked together every night that week. About school, about the audition, Amber helped Kim with maths and Kim helped Amber with English and French… it was so weird to actually have a friend for once. Or was she a friend? She was at least somebody whom she liked to talk to.

“I consider you my friend by now” Kim had said Thursday night. “Do you consider me a friend?” Amber laughed loudly at the other end of the line, and Kim couldn’t tell if it was real or sarcastic.

“Why of course you’re my friend, Kimmie, you’re basically the only one at the school that I talk to!” Amber had started calling her Kimmie yesterday and she didn’t know how she felt about it, but it was probably too late to change now. But she was definitely not going to call her Ambie because that just sounded stupid. Amber was perfectly fine for her. With a smile on her lips she replied with an “okay” and said goodnight. It wasn’t even that it was that late, but Kim was exhausted. As she lay down on her bed, she suddenly remembered - it was Friday tomorrow. She had to call Amber back. She had to talk to her about tomorrow. She had to. She grabbed her phone, but hesitated. She had never called Amber before. It was always Amber calling her. Was this even acceptable? Well, they just hung up, so… Kim’s finger hovered over the “call” bottom. She couldn’t do this; it would just be creepy to call someone right after you just hung up. She put down her phone - and of course, as she let go, she accidently pushed the call bottom. Panicking, she instantly tried to hit the “hang up” bottom, but  -

“Hello?” Amber’s voice sounded from the other end of the line. F**k. She sounded tired. God hope she didn’t wake her up.

“H-hi Amber” Kim said, trying to hide the panic in her voice.

“Kim - is something the matter?” Amber asked, clearly suspicious. Kim breathed in slowly. She could do this. They talked together every day, only this time it was her who called.

“Yeah - uh -  I mean no. No, nothing is wrong” she tried to get control of her breath again “I was just - do you realize what day it is tomorrow?”

“It’s… Friday?” Amber mumbled, but quickly realized. “Oh my god, it’s Friday. It’s bloody Friday!” Kim couldn’t help but laugh because Amber almost never swore. Like, ever. Amber laughed too.

“So, are you nervous?” Amber asked, and it was almost as if you could hear her wide smile.

“Not really, it’s just a play after all” Kim said and shrugged. That wasn’t true. She really wanted a great role. She did. But at least she had a chance, not all the singers were like Amber. “How about you?”

“A bit” Amber said, and you could hear her excitement slowly lowering.

“Damn it, you shouldn’t be the one to be nervous here” Kim said after a few seconds of silence. “You f*****g nailed that song!” she exclaimed, putting all of her enthusiasm into it.

“Really??” Amber muttered. She didn’t believe in herself, it was obvious.

“We need to work on your self-confidence” Kim said and laughed a little bit. Amber tried to laugh too.

“But honestly, you’ll do fine. You winged that performance, okay?” Kim continued and smiled. If only Amber could see it, it would maybe help a bit.

“Okay…” Amber said and sounded a bit better. “Okay.” she said again, this time almost confident.

“Okay.” Kim said and bit her lip.

“Okay… Well, see you tomorrow in school. We’re meeting up at the same place?” Amber asked. Amber had just moved to the city, and they quickly found out that they didn’t live very far from each other. Therefore, they had been walking to school and home again together since Tuesday. Kim nodded, and quickly answered “Yes, yes of course” and smiled.

“Goodnight!”

“Goodnight.”

 

Black hair, just above the shoulders. Brown eyes. Big, dorky glasses… no wait, she didn’t have those anymore. She hadn’t worn them since Kim had snatched them off Monday. How the f**k did she even look? Kim hadn’t have time to look at her properly, the only thing she really saw was her eyes. Frustrated, she dragged the eraser furiously across the drawing and almost ruined the paper. Somehow, she had gotten an urge to draw Amber after she had talked to her. Why was that again? She had no reason, she just kind of felt like it. But she just couldn’t get it right. With a scream of anger, she threw the drawing pad halfway across the room. She heard an irritated sound from outside, and sighed.

“It wasn’t for you this time, Teresa!” almost shaking with frustration, she buried her head in her pillow.

“What’s up with you pal” a harsh voice asked from the door. Kim could smell the alcohol all the way over there.

“I ain’t your f*****g pal” she cried and turned around to face the voice. Her aunt, Teresa, was leaning against her doorway, clearly drunk. She tried to straighten up, unsuccessfully, lifted a finger and tried to say something but couldn’t remember the words, so she just stood there with an open mouth, looking stupid.

“W-watch your mouth, kiddo” she finally mumbled and spilled a little ale on the carpet. Kim just sent her a death stare and turned around again.

“You’re drunk” she mumbled through the pillow. Tears started to appear in her eyes. She hated being around Teresa. Luckily, she was almost always out drinking, but sometimes she chose to drink at home to “spend some family time with her daughter”. Ppfth. She always insisted for Kim to call her mom (Kim refused) and she announced her as her “daughter”, just because she couldn’t get laid for long enough time for her to get her own child. All Kim wanted was to go back and live with her parents, but that would be a bit hard - since they died in an accident 10 years ago. Teresa had taken her in out of “pure generosity”. Ha. She could run away, though she didn’t have a place to go. Sometimes she had gone to her sister’s, but Teresa always found her again, and though she might drink her bones out, she was strong, and she didn’t let a diversion slip easily. This was the reason Kim had prepared herself physically, so that she would always be able to fight her back. Teresa left again after a few minutes of silence. It was always like this, she didn’t even try to keep a conversation. Still, she was Kim’s “mother”, so since she was underage she couldn’t move away from home yet. Kim lay on her back, covered her whole face with her hands and tried to breathe slowly. Teresa didn’t particularly help on her panic attacks (which Teresa of course wouldn’t accept, though her anxiety had been confirmed by a psychologist). But she knew how to handle this stuff. Since Teresa wouldn’t get her the meds, her psychologist had given her tips on how to deal with smaller panic attacks without medicine - she needed to think of something that made her happy, and focus on it. Happy, Kim. Think happy. Definitely not Teresa. Or school. The musical? No, that just made her nervous. A… Amber. Amber. A picture of Amber started to show in her head. Amber made her happy. It worked, so apparently she did. As a tear ran down her cheek, Kim smiled, widely. She didn’t expect a nerd from the school to be her saviour from a panic attack. She even started laughing a bit and considering calling Amber again to tell her about it - but no. She would probably be scared away at “panic attack”. She couldn’t tell her. Or, at least not yet. As she was about to fall asleep, she realized how flawed the picture of Amber had been. It had almost just been her glasses, the hair and her eyes. But it had been enough, somehow. She really needed to look at her properly tomorrow. The last thing Kim saw before she fell asleep was Amber’s eyes.

“Hey!” Amber said and smiled as they met on their corner the next morning. “Did you wait long?” Kim fought for her breath and shook her head. She had overslept and had to run out of the house without even getting any breakfast to meet Amber at the right time. She pulled herself together, smiled widely and caught up with Amber who had already started walking.

“Sorry” Amber said as Kim caught up by her side. “I’m just looking so much forward to seeing the roles for the musical that I can’t really hold myself back anymore!” she continued and lowered her head a bit shyly.

“It’s alright” Kim said and put an arm around her shoulder. “We’ll walk fast” Amber looked up at her again “but no running this time!” Kim continued and blinked at her. Amber started nodded and started laughing. A few seconds after Kim was laughing too. Before they knew it, they were at the school and went straight for the boards. Kim thought they were early enough - but apparently no. In front of the board, a horde of girls were flocking, some with disappointed expressions, others excited, others nervous, as Kim and Amber, because they couldn’t see the board yet, and then Damon as the only boy. As if he was actually going to get a role. His face had an annoyingly satisfied look, but it couldn’t be. He was probably just putting on a show, proud as he was. He even dared to send Kim a private triumphant look when he saw her. She just sent him the usual death stare back. She couldn’t care about him. She just needed to get through the board, so she grabbed Amber’s hand and started walking. She had planned on pushing the whining girls away, but she didn’t even have to - they separated on their own, creating a road for them, as if they were scared of her or something. Pathetic. Amber was confused by the reaction from the girls, but just followed.

“There you are!” Amber said and pointed at the top of the board. They had split up to look for each other’s names. Kim smiled widely and walked over. Felicia. She actually got the lead girl role for once. They were always too damn pathetic. But she just needed to work on her appearance and then she could probably turn her acceptable. All she wanted was to sing. “Let’s find yours then!” she said and smiled at Amber, and they both started looking. Amber had probably gotten the male role then. She could have a great male voice. Kim quickly found the lead boy, Timothy, but… this was a lie. This was a god damn lie. It said Damon Carter. Damon f*****g Carter. Furiously, Kim started walking and grabbed Amber along. She needed to find Gaile. They couldn’t mean this. The boy couldn’t f*****g sing! And she definitely couldn’t play with him, as some pathetic girl who was supposed to fall in love with him! Gaile was standing at the end of the hall, already laughing from Kim’s angry look. As soon as she got over there, she almost punched him into the wall.

“What’s that!?” she yelled and pointed at the board, still crowded with people in front of it.

“Relax you got a role-“ Gaile started, but couldn’t finish the sentence because Kim punched him in the stomach.

“Damon??” she exclaimed and gestured at the boy, who was standing a few feet away from them, looking way too happy with the situation.

“DAMON??” she repeated and lifted up in Gaile’s shirt. Amber tried to interrupt and get Kim away from Gaile, but Kim just pushed her away. She put Gaile down, though, and he quickly moved a few steps away from her.

“Well, he is the only boy who auditioned” he started -

“But he can’t f*****g sing” Kim yelled, Damon looking a bit offended by that, but she didn’t care.

“But”

“Gaile, you can’t be serious that you’re going to give one of the lead roles away to a clumsy boy who can’t sing!” Kim said, her voice gradually lowering, but still intensely.

“And what are you going to give to Amber, maybe, then?” she continued and gestured at Amber, who very obviously didn’t want to be a part of this.

“Actually, Amber didn’t get a role” Gaile said, and Kim suddenly turned numb. She couldn’t see Amber’s reaction from here, but she knew how she would feel about this herself. The anger slowly started rising again, this time on Amber’s behalf.

“Why the hell not?” she said. Gaile scratched himself nervously on the back of his head.

“She has a beautiful voice, absolutely, but we were just afraid that the others would be overshined by her. This is an amateur musical, and Amber is practically on a professional level.” Kim was gawking all the time. They couldn’t mean this seriously.

“Just accept that you can’t play with your little girlfriend, honey” Damon said. Kim didn’t even realize that he was suddenly standing right behind her, his hand definitely too close to her a*s. In a split second she stepped away and punched him right in the face. With a victorious look she dried off her hand in the cardigan as she watched Damon as he was trying to put his nose back into the right place, blood streaming all over, and was just about to continue the discussion with Gaile when a hand landed on her shoulder.

“You’re coming with me, young girl” a way too familiar voice said. F**k. The principal was standing right behind her, already starting to drag her to his office.

“No, wait” she yelled and fought back.

“If I’m going, then they’re going with me” she said and pointed at Gaile and Damon. The principal, who obviously didn’t care to fight about this, just agreed and went on to the office. Somehow, even though she hadn’t even been in any of the fights, Amber ended up in the office as well. The principal sat himself down on the one side of the table, and Kim sat on the other side, with her feet up as she always did. The principal looked at her feet in disgust but didn’t complain.

“So what’s going on here, miss” he said and glared at Kim.

“He put Damon as a lead role in the musical” Kim said and gestured at Gaile, who was standing right beside her, out of her reach though. The principal shrugged and glanced at Damon, who was standing beside Gaile, even further away from Kim. He gestured at the secretary to get the boy some paper for his bloody nose. Kim couldn’t help but smile when she thought back on the punch.

“So? You got a role too, right? He’s a good singer, and you two will perfectly complement each other.” Kim sighed and rolled her eyes. She forgot that Damon was the principal’s son; of course he would take his part.

“He’s not a good singer” she said and laughed a bit at the offended reaction from Damon. “She’s way better” she continued and pointed at Amber, who was standing in the back of the room, and who’s body instantly stiffened from the sudden attention, “And she didn’t get a role.” she sighed and sent an irritated look at Gaile, who just shrugged and tried to smile at her, not very successful though.

“Well, if she’s such a good singer, why don’t we hear her” the principal said, looking at Amber who instantly started hyperventilating a little. “Then I’ll judge whether she gets the role or not!” he said and leaned back in his chair, his arms crossed. Kim looked back at Amber who was standing nervously in the corner. She smiled at her, and Amber smiled back a bit awkwardly. She knew Amber could do this. Kim nodded at her as to say “you can do it” and Amber relaxed as well as she could. And then she started singing. Kim didn’t know the song, but it was nice and it suited her voice. Honestly, anything would probably suit that voice. She closed her eyes and sucked it all in, not even noticing the reactions from the people around her before she opened her eyes again and saw that the principal’s jaw was dropping and that the secretary had dropped the paper that she was about to give to Damon and just stood there, listening. As she was finished, the silence spread. But only for a few seconds, before the principal suddenly started clapping, the others slowly joining in. This song had been even better for her than the song at the audition. The principal even stood up and went over to Amber to shake her hand. Amber just awkwardly grabbed his hand and quickly shook it. Kim got up too and sent the principal a look as to say “what did I say”. The principal just nodded and clapped her on the shoulder once. “You get the role… what was your name again?” the principal said as he looked out the window.

“Uhm, Amber Marie Gorde” Amber quickly mumbled, her head a bit lowered until she actually realized what was happening (instantly, another fact was added to the Amber-stack in the back of Kim’s mind).

“Gorde, then. You get the role as the lead male. Dismissed!” He said, and Kim triumphantly started walking towards the door.

“But Dad…” Damon whined, but the principal sent him a strict look.

“You’ll do alright without that role; you get all the girls anyway. Maybe you can be a tree or something.” Kim couldn’t help but laugh at the last comment, and she noticed that the principal was smiling at his own wit too. Offended, Damon stormed out the door, followed by Gaile who just wanted to avoid Kim. Smiling widely, Kim grabbed Amber’s arm as they walked out the door together.

 

“So, you excited?” Kim asked and glanced at Amber, who was obviously about to jump up the roof out of pure excitement. She smiled and nodded, too overwhelmed to even say anything. Kim laughed and put an arm around her shoulder. As Amber stopped to get some water, Kim grabbed the chance and looked up and down Amber. She was wearing the uniform, her shirt sticking a bit out, her hair was hanging loosely, almost covering her face as she bent forward to drink, but you could still see her chestnut brown eyes who perfectly complimented her slightly dark skin. Her face was a little bit chubby, but it only made her look cuter. Somehow Kim had started leaning forward without even noticing before Amber looked up and smiled and Kim quickly straightened up again.

“I think the thing I’m looking the most forward to playing with you!” she said and laughed a little awkwardly. Kim smiled and nodded. She was looking more forward to acting with Amber than she realized herself, and she definitely couldn’t put it into words.

“We should probably go to class” she just said instead.

The class had already started when they entered. They were having English, but Mrs. Pine was very accepting and always cut slag for Kim when she was late because she did well in the class anyway. English was one for the classes that she actually liked, and Amber was already catching pretty well up too. Or, at least she tried to. The two of them always sat in the front in English because no one else wanted to, which just made Mrs. Pine like them even more.

They walked home together again that day, this time Kim walking Amber all the way home, though they lived in the opposite ways. As Amber went into her house, Kim stayed outside, hidden behind a tree, and just watched the front door for a few minutes, her breath slightly uneven. 

Reviews

[Jordyn Gray]

I like how realistic your characters are! Kim seems to be really trying to keep her life together, and it doesn't always work. It's wonderful! And somehow the story doesn't end up straying into darkness. Very nice!