The Friends that Come to Play - Anxiety and Depression

The truth on my two best friends - Anxiety and Depression

A lot of people say that you won't know how someone feels if you didn't go through the same experience as he or she does. Well that's frankly true.

And that also goes the same for depression or anxiety. No one would really understand what you are going through no matter how much they look, touch, smell, hear, or even taste you!

Anxiety is easy to talk about. For me it's the fear of everything. It's the fear of loneliness, but it's also the fear of socializing. Being of afraid of failing, but also being afraid to take the risk or be productive. Having anxiety makes you even afraid of other people's thoughts and even your own thoughts. Anxiety forces you to be afraid of who you are. And that fear turns into hate.

Depression is rather hard to explain. It's not sadness. It's like soaking in a warm tub with candle lights illuminating the room. 

Sounds perfectly relaxing right?

Well it won't be when you when the light goes out and you pull the plug. You'll see the water slowly drain away... leaving you shivering in the cold, and alone and naked in the dark. You are vulnerable, stone cold to move, and lost in the gloom. Depression makes you feel like nothing. Depression just makes you stop functioning like the human being you are. Anxiety strips you away from what you love claiming that you were never good enough and once dear friend depression comes by to play it tells it's pointless to do anything... you were never good enough in the first place.

If anxiety is what takes you hostage in your own home then depression would be its best friend dragging you back to the bed pinning you down, telling you that it wouldn't matter if you were out there or in here... telling you no one would care if you vanished into thin air! 

Where do you get this?

You don't know?

Well I don't know either!

It's like hundreds of things that seem that pile on top of another and you have to balance all that weight on a tightrope. While you try to balance on that rope for dear life you also just want to jump and plummet to your doom and finally get this over with.

But you don't.

Live or die either way you think you don't matter.

You'll be stuck in that limbo until you get the courage. The courage not for the right thing to do...

Those two would drill into your head how worthless you are until you feel to take the knife and slit your wrists, prepare the noose to hang on the tree, or pull the trigger. Only leaving a note on how much you fucked up your life.

They don't terrify me of dying alone, it horrifies me that I have to live alone...

Author's Note

I have come back from the dead hahaha! I'm feeling better now already. I was supposed to write a story/poem about my internet friends but I watched Dear Evan Hansen... overcame by feels I started to write this.

Tell me your thoughts on how I can improve on my writing thank you!
I DON'T OWN THE PICS!!!

Reviews

[TheIlliteratePanda]

Hmm.. My thoughts on depression are informed (meaning that I am qualified to talk about its nature by YOUR standards), but also rather lengthy. If you'd like to discuss the topic then I'm happy to do so elsewhere. But that aside, the formatting is good, and the piece itself is well written.

[apennylate]

Hmm, I agree with most of this, and it is a raw, brutally dark shake of the aspects... I... Hmm... I hate depression.... Woefully penned...

[barleygirl]

I am 61 & I've lived with anxiety & depression all my life, so I understand. You've done a creative job describing how it feels to be in the shoes of such a sufferer. I'm not sure it really matters whether a person understands thru firsthand knowledge or thru observation. Maybe it's a little one-sided to insist that a person has to have been there to understand.

I'm not crazy about using the pronoun "you" . . . when this is done for an explanation, it sounds like it's being stated that I (me, the reader) has this experience. But my experiences with anxiety & depression are quite different from yours in some ways. Altho you've done a good job describing many relatable aspects, some of your symptoms are not my symptoms. That's why it doesn't feel right to have you preaching at me & telling me how I feel. (I'm sorry if this sounds a little harsh, I don't mean it that way. I'm just describing how the "you" perspective comes across, I'm not making a critical statement about your writing). All in all, your essay is well done & relatable & creatively-stated with good examples.

[Psychotic Lily]

It's rather hard for a person to "get" what it REALLY feels like to have it through observation alone (this is my opinion please don't kill me.I just notice it from people and articles about depression) but I truly
agree with you that the symptoms differ for every person who has it, I understand the "harshness" haha. And thank you

[Farhan Shaikh]

That's amazing..
For me depressions are something which penetrates my mind quicker than any poison, though one happy and powerful memory is enough to cast them away.
It was an awesome read

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you Farhan 😁

[Vic]

Your descriptions are well done. For me, depression is a lot of things, but the most prominent word that comes to mind when I think about it is guilt: guilt that I'm not a good friend, student, roommate etc... Anyone reaching out just makes me feel even more guilty for not being what they deserve me to be.

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you Vic 😁

[Psychotic Lily]

Ahh guilt... it stayed longer than any of my crush

[wordman]

lol,these characters you painted so well is every bodys friend

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you wordman 😀

[Rodela]

Food me,depression is more like hollow feeling in the interior,a black hole that sucks up my vigour and wishes and hopes.I hope u get through it ,all together,cuz I know too well that this s**t returns

[Psychotic Lily]

Yep that s**t returns. But I turn that into my muse for my writing. Thank you Rodela.

[Carol Cashes]

P.S.: I would LOVE to live alone. Love my husband, but sometimes he breathes and I want to remove his face!

[Psychotic Lily]

Well there are people we love but get irritated with them from time to time. I feel you.

[Carol Cashes]

One of the reasons these two friends are hard to explain is they are experienced differently for everyone: for me, depression and anxiety manifest as anger. More specific, I'm irritated by everyone! My skin feels tight and I can look at certain people and know that if I wasn't medicated, I would chew them up and spit 'em out...and move on to the next one. My depression makes me angry because I also have chronic fatigue and can't function or think. Unfortunately, my husband is a disabled vet and I have a job, so not getting out of bed is not an option - and that makes me mad. Adderall has helped me to keep my job and my house semi-clean and I'm still employed. But my body has been beaten up by psychotropics in efforts to find the right one, then the right dosage. I'm better physically, but I still rage inside. I have many events in my past to be mad about, but I have to function around people who aren't the problem - they're just there. Writing does help and not everyone can. You are blessed with your talent and I'm glad that you can pursue this as an outlet. Read my story Storm and you'll understand how I feel about my "friends". Good job and don't stop. Ha! Anyone who can spell and has even a rudimentary knowledge of grammar - AND YOU DO! - is NOT WORTHLESS, but a rare literary treasure. Keep writing and understand how much it helps others who do feel as you do. Consider yourself as providing a service. Looking forward to more. I tend to stick with fiction, but may try my hand at expressing some of my "rational-to-me-but-not-to-others" feels.

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you so much Carol for sharing your experience with me. It is true that those two friends affect us in different ways. I am really thankful for your review it has truly swelled my heart and I will read your story, Storm. Once again thank you

[Surya]

Glad to hear that you are better now...
And write, it made me speechless...i loved it...:)

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you Surya :)