Hypnos and Thanatos

The choice between the paradise of a short dream or an enternal peace of a prison

My love and life were vied by twins
No one knew which one would win
They followed me to no end
While my heart tried to mend

Hypnos and Thanatos were their names
Both fought for my being to claim
One offered paradise and joy of a short dream
The other promised peace in an eternal prison that gleams

Hypnos was my safe haven
I seek him like a craven
I ran away from everything like a coward
Hiding my heart maimed and scoured

But Hypnos always left me alone
To anxiety and pain I am prone
Thanatos was the only who can save me
And for his love and peace my life was the only fee

His name was sweet on my lips
His seduction and temption had a tight grip
He was beautiful and calm
While he stood infront of me I had no qualm

I was ready to take the knife
Along with my short and unhappy life
In his prison of peace escape I could never
Death was my only forever

Author's Note

Tell me what you think of it please T_T

Reviews

[emipoemi]

I must say, this is very well thought out, and the concept is intriguing, but if I may be so bold, some lines feel too much of a mouthful or at times not enough of a mouthful for the musicality you're trying to achieve. The imagery is fantastic, it's the painting and representation of those images that need a little work. I'd also advise to watch out for rhymes for the sake of rhyming.....those often undermine the poem's integrity and brilliance.

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you emipoemi. I noticed that in my first poems. In my latest works I don't use rhymes anymore. But thank you really for telling my mistakes. 😁

[Psychotic Lily]

Please send me read requests so I can thank you

[keith]

interesting concept ... sleep and death as twins so alike but offering a different path of escape.
well done ... perhaps too well as neither Hypnos or Thanatos are on the tip of many tongues.
but none the less, wonderfully written.

[Psychotic Lily]

Thank you 😁 for the review. Send me read requests so I can return the love. I've read some of your work but I think the comments I might give aren't constructive as yours.

[keith]

you pick ... you choose!

[Psychotic Lily]

I think I already did :)