Poet in the Firing Line

Another maudlin evening
A sweep of moods depressingly familiar
and once again, I ruined a night of joy
The victims were those who were with me
I wish they would wise up
It's not like I want this mixed state

Sometimes I want to upset you
so you'll see me how I see myself
Why do you worry about me?
I've been dealing with this for years

But you're so wonderful
So kind and so calm
that's why it hurts to be around you
I don't want to take your happiness away

I wish I had a crutch to lean on
instead of the aching repetition
I guess after all these years, it's new to me
I'm sorry I was such a burden to you
I know you'll protest that remark
though I'm hardly the life of the party

Sometimes I want to upset you
so you'll see me how I see myself
Why do you worry about me?
I've been dealing with this for years

Sometimes, you are the best thing about me
maybe one day you'll understand
I can't connect with anyone anymore
and I wish for that to change

I know even those who pass on by tire of me
and I'm expected to deal with the same each day
How will I survive the social graveyard?
I can't stop my moods from falling
because everything seems grey to me
Please leave me now... I don't want to you become the person I am

I don't want any sugar pills or pop psychology
I want a solution; honest and true
Maybe I should hide myself away
and not escape from my trappings
All this and the irony is I'm sober
Guess I'm actually faulty as a human being

Reviews

[Charlie McEwan]

I relate to this so much but in particular to this part:
"Sometimes I want to upset you
so you'll see me how I see myself
Why do you worry about me?
I've been dealing with this for years."

Over the years I have sabotaged so much and often on purpose. I totally understand the feelings of being "faulty as a human being" or defective.

Thank you

[Blue]

"social graveyard". My, that's something.

[Tina Louise UK]

I could relate...excellent piece :) x

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Sometimes I feel these trappings too, dear Elliott...
we are who we are...

You have a unique style of conveying the matter of the heart...
I find it painfully expressed, yet calming..

Excellent write!~xoxo~

[zephyr]

I think, perhaps, you are one of the more human among us. A fantastic write.

[Kinau]

From one who's manic-depressive but dealing surprisingly well despite, I find that I can relate to this. I find it rather enjoyable, for one that doesn't rhyme! As Jade said, it does indeed flow well. Lovely work.

[Brook]

Nicely done. Flows well. :)

[Addy]

So I saw you under 'Online Writers', and had to see your writes because SoundGarden rock!
A relatable write, and I like how you repeated the second stanza. A sad, but moving poem.