Want

3am. Too tired to sleep.

I want to be scum, I want to be useless
even more so than I believe myself to be
I want to be invalid so I can be slaughtered
I want to be the dead soul under a swastika glare

I feel like a damn defect and I don't wanna sleep
because if I wake up as a faker
I'll be everything I hate

I want you to hate me, I want you to forget
because what is there really to remember?
I want to be ignored, I want my scars to reopen
I want to bleed so the whole world can see

I feel like a defect but I'm worried nothing is wrong
what if I am just lashing out
due to arrogance?

I want nothing, I want to be everything
lost in my own dichotomy
I want to be alone, I want your affection
I want to sleep forever but my dreams are cruel

Reviews

[shallimarRose]

"I want nothing, I want to be everything
lost in my own dichotomy
I want to be alone, I want your affection
I want to sleep forever but my dreams are cruel

This one is almost painful to read..Confusion... I feel in this poem perhaps you are saying that you are afraid to want anything real and of value because you wont get it? anyway thats what i pulled. nice work Elliot.. xo

[Red & Blue]

There is almost a bitterness here, and the craving for affection.
Very powerful write

[Brittney]

Intense read, I was almost yelling it in my heads as I read it, angry but the last stanza suggest an under lying need for attention.

[s y e]

Hmmmm, E - this is a painful read. Why would you want to be scum? And useless? I think you gotta trust yourself more, I don't think you'll wake up and be a faker, you are who you are, and that's that.

[Pryde Foltz]

lost in my own dichotomy

I think this should be the title. But then the question comes why the dichotomy. Why the pull in two directions?