Filled with recourse and sin

If I ever loved before

It was a dirty sort of love

Filled with recourse and sin

Hidden from the world

Waiting patiently in my diary

For post mortem discovery

To bring the pale, desperate language

To light and redemption

In the minds of those who never knew me

Love was never kind or gentle

Raging through the brain and nights

Keeping me from sleep and peace

Starving and victimized forever

Because it felt better that way.

I never knew soul mate hand holding

Only the piercing of addiction

And unrequited fantasy one night stands

The words of song writers meant nothing  to me

At the same time they were everything I wanted

As I took shots and made villains out of lovers

Who left me cold and wet, wanting them to hurt

As much as I was hurting

Making myself the martyr of love

That was never really mine

Until I met you.

Reviews

[bob, small b. aka invs]

i don't even remember where i heard it now, but someone said that people often mistake intensity for love. but love isn't that crazy feeling of addiction that you described here so well. that may come with love, but it's not what stays. i'm glad you found the difference.