If I

This is for you, always for you.

If I carried this weight for you
and my arms were breaking and my skin was raw
and I stumbled towards you with tears in my eyes and my body wary,

would you notice how much I have done?

If I proved to you that I was willing to go the distance
and run down the dark roads with holes in my shoes
not knowing the directions because my map is faded and torn,
would you turn on your porch light to let me know you are home?

If I gave up my favorite things because you didn't like them
and I went through my days longing for the things I couldn't have
and cried out in my sleep for just one moments time with my passions,
would you see the error in your ways and apologize for making me chose?

If I told you that this was enough for me to hold on to
and that I could go the rest of my life feeding on nothing more
than the crumbs that are left behind from the things you throw away,
would you see that I was settling for less than I deserve?

If I came to you in the middle of the night soaked to the core
and shivering from the cold rain that fell on me as I ran in the darkness
feeling desperate to just tell you that I was unable to sleep without you,
would you invite me in and lend me a dry shirt and let me sleep on your couch?

If I told you this was killing me slowly from the inside out
and that part of me wants to give up on you and never turn back to see what I left
and that the other part of me is willing to sacrafice my life for one night with you,
would you do the noble thing even if I don't know which one that is?

If I left you behind after telling that I would never give up on us
and I moved on to a new love and a new life and a new frame of mind
and I spent my every energy telling myself I was doing the right thing by forgetting you
would you point out to me that If I had to convince myself than it wasn't true?

If I was gone for years and never contacted you out of fear of what you would say
and then one day when I was selfish and self destructive I found you in the same old place
and out of nowhere I told you that I am here to remind you of what I gave up on a million days ago,
would you be willing to go back even though we both know it wouldn't be the same?

If I did my same old magic and showed my hand to your friends

and made you guess my intentions
and tempted the sanctity of your word and your dedications
would you throw me away like I gave up on you when I was innocent?

Reviews

[C.T. Bailey]

Sarah, you are a rare and complex individual. That is why I think that I can identify so much with your work. I have read most of it...even though sometimes not commenting. I have often wondered why I continually come back a re-read some particular pieces. It is something much more than just "enjoying" your writing. It clicks with me. And so does this. I read this and I find myself inserting various individuals that have appeared and disappeared from my life....and they all fit. I am proud to add this to my favorites.
Write on...
your friend,
Todd

[Leah]

I Love it. though the ending not as much.
the first three were AMAZING though!!!
excellent work!