A letter.

Dear Granny Smith Apples

Dear Granny Smith Apples

Hello
My name is Sarah.
How are you?
I pray this time of year finds you well and that you are content and comfortable. I just wanted to let you know that I do not like you.

First off, I would like it to be known that it is not the color of your skin. I, in fact, am rather fond of the color green. It is a nice soothing color that seems to calm me down for whatever reason. As you can imagine, I wanted to put the skin color issue to rest before you accuse me of intolerance. I stress again. My dislike of you has nothing to do with your skin color.

I also do not dislike strictly because of the fact that you are a granny. I love grannies. I would hope that you think more of me than to assume that I am some sort of grandmother disliking monster. Nothing could be further from the truth. You would note, if you took the time, that I have extensive experience dealing with the elderly. My heart goes out to grannies in particular seeing that I hope to be one some day. Not to mention that I enjoy bridge and Perry Cuomo .As I am sure you are intelligent enough to deduce, it would be a faux pas to even suggest this is some sort of blind hatred due simply to your name. Shame.

The truth of the matter, the underlying problem I have with you and your kind is quite simple. Your taste. If I wanted to eat a something grainy, green, and sour, just for the sake of having something in my mouth, I would choose Oliver. He is the 70 year old sausage and pepper salesman that lives downstairs. I imagine that you see what I am getting at here. The idea of inhaling the shank of an elderly man who smells of old spice and pork sausage grease far outshines eating you hands down, every time. EVERY TIME.

So, in closing, Granny Smith Apples, I say that, to say this. Vote For Clinton 2008

Yours truly,
Sarah M. Hitt

Reviews

[Dave Lounsbury]

Nice work, but the grammar mistake in the title is a little off putting