And here I am.

When I woke up this morning I didn't see the alarm clock
I could hear it ringing regardless.
The first drag of my cigarette felt so empty
I drank my coffee and watched the news and all I saw was you.

I saw the curve of your elbow placed around my waist.
I saw your chest rise and fall with every breath you took.
I saw your face on the pillow next to me.
I saw you and it felt amazing.

I know it is just an illusion.
You are as far away as you have always been.
For some reason today I could almost feel you
I fell for you all over again.

Days will pass
This feeling is going to fade.
My laughter will be more genuine in time.
I will not  be this pathetic girl for much longer.

You will come back again.
My life will be turned upside down again.
I will take you back for the last time.
I will prove stronger than you, if only in theory.

I think I finally understand your views on me.
I get it now and I am going to play along.
I hope you know that I know what the story is.
You should know that I will wait.

You can't accept losing me.
What will happen if you do?
I am too proud to wait for you forever.
You are too proud to tell you want me to.

We go around in a dizzying motion.
We say things we both might regret.
Trapped together in this life time.
Reliving our torture one day at a time.

I may have to be the first to tell you.
Why not, I always do all the work.
I love you more now than I ever have in my whole life.
Do with that, what you may.