Dear ____-

open letter in the ether....

Dear ____-

I woke up today thinking of ways to make sure you loved me.  I would do anything you know, because let's face it, I spend a lot of time wrapping myself in invisble bows and ribbon.  I paint my soul with light blue light when my soul is bright neon pink.  I hope that you know that I do this all for you.  I also hope that you will tell me to stop because you think the real me is much better than the one my mind tells me that you prefer.

You do love the ugly messy me better, right?  I hope so because I have spent the last 20 years trying to stifle her.  I never succeeded and I can't help but believe that all the so called failure was intendedto show me that I am not meant to attract plain narrow minded people.  I sure hope that I am right when I imagine that your mind is as vast and wide as a dreamscape imagined by a child who has not yet learned to be afraid to dream.  In other words, I hope that you love me for all my scars, all my bumps and my flaws.  I also have the light of the sun in my love for you, hopefully you feel that becasue I  send my energy to you constantly.  Do you feel it?

there are so many things I can say about you.  so many cryptic and odd allusions to my feelings about you.  I am sure you can tell that I think in ways that most do not.  I hope you hold the decoder pin that tells you the meaning of my jumbled thoughts.  Nobody else could find it, but I believe that it lives in your head, if not your heart.

Now that my arms are lighter of the load of this admission, I long to wrap them around you.  I hope the day comes soon where I can because then, I am sure, all will finally be still in my loud busy mind.

Until then- Soon.

XOX