The Wisp, Chapter One

Sudden terror squeezed her throat shut ... it wasn’t just the eyeless sockets ... something--something that shouldn’t be there--rolled inside his skull in waves of

I

A Dream

Bara walked along the boulevard. Above her head, gentle gusts blew through layers of whispering leaves. Those with the lightest grip let go and cut red and gold traces through the air before finally settling soundlessly on the pavement below. The sun still shone brightly, but a pale moon had crested the horizon. It was a lovely evening, but Bara walked alone. Not another living soul--an empty town, at a time when the residents of Windfall were usually rushing home for dinner. How strange? 

But then, there was a very insistent tug on her sleeve. Bara looked down. A little girl, of maybe four or five years old, looked back up. 

The girl wore a red pea coat with a matching beret. Curls, not far off the shade of Bara’s own strawberry blonde, scooped down and just brushed her collar. Dark glasses with white frames--heart shaped--hid her eyes. The girl said nothing, but a single tear escaped from below the plastic rims and trailed down a plump cheek.

“Are you lost?” Bara asked her. “Do you want me to help find your mommy?” 

The little girl nodded and held out her hand. Bara reached out but was jostled from behind before her fingers could take hold. The street was full now. A steady stream of men and women pushed and shoved as they passed. Most peculiar. They all wore sunglasses.

Bara looked down again. The little girl was gone. Where? The tot now stood under the shade of an oak tree, a few meters away. A tall man, made even taller by a black top hat, had her by the arm, and she struggled to get free. Something told Bara he wasn’t the girl’s father. A protective spirit surged in her. Bara fought her way through the crowd and threw her slight sixteen-year-old body at his massive frame. The man merely stepped back, but he did let go of the girl. 

“Run!” Bara urged her. 

The girl didn’t hesitate. Her short legs took flight, and she disappeared into the crowd. Bara would get no chance for escape. 

Dark gloved hands reached out and took hold of her shoulders. She looked up, opened her mouth to protest, but never uttered a word. Because under the brim of the man’s top hat were two empty black holes where his eyes should have been. Sudden terror squeezed her throat shut, and her face screwed up in revulsion. It wasn’t just the eyeless sockets. His eyelids quivered, and for a moment, something--something that shouldn’t be there--rolled inside his skull in waves of shiny black. 

The man gave a wry smile and let out a chuckle that cracked with charge. His black hands moved up from her shoulders and took hold of her throat. His fingers stiffened. 

The realization hit. He’s going to kill me. 

Bara struggled, her flailing arms making contact with no one and nothing. The man’s smile grew wider. His grip tightened, closing off her windpipe. He lifted her from her feet. Her toes just grazed the ground below, and then she was in the air … only for a moment. His hands loosened from her throat, and Bara fell to her knees. And then the man took flight. 

With her face hidden under red-gold curls, a girl about Bara’s own shape and size held him aloft with only one arm. Curiously, she also wore a red pea coat and beret.

“She is mine,” came her hissing voice. 

Then as if the man were no more than a rag doll, she tossed him aside. Before making contact with the asphalt, he exploded in a burst of silver and screams. Charges trailed and sizzled through the air. When the sound and movement finally died down, a silver dust hung for just a second and then dropped with a surprisingly heavy thud. The wind blew away the dust, and the man was gone.

Thinking the nightmare over, Bara looked to her rescuer. Her rescuer turned her head to look at her. Bara’s nightmare wasn’t over. There stood a mirror image--same shape, size, hair, and face. A doppelganger. Everything was the same, everything but the eyes. They were black and as empty as the man’s had been. Slowly, the doppelganger cocked her head to the side. With a hand as gentle as a venomous snake, she bent down and reached out for Bara’s cheek. 

“Hush, hush,” she cooed and stroked. 

Her youthful mouth turned suddenly down, and she began to transform. Two heavy folds grew from her nose, dragging her cheeks until they sagged below her chin. Crow’s feet formed around black eyes, spreading until they reached a now grey hairline. Finally, deep crevasses pocked and ran across a once-smooth forehead. 

Bara stared at herself as an old woman.

“I am here now,” her demented double reassured. “Everything will be just fine.” 

But everything wasn’t just fine, not even close. The doppelganger smiled a very wide smile that grew wider, jaw-cracking wide. Wrinkles bent and twisted under the strain of an ever-increasing black hole of a mouth, a mouth that threatened to erase its face … suddenly it closed and returned to normal. The doppelganger turned her head as though at a sound and then back at Bara. 

“Soon,” she whispered, and then just like the man had, disappeared in a storm of silver and electricity.

The doppelganger was gone. The man wasn’t to be seen, and all the others were gone too, but Bara wasn’t quite alone. A solitary dark form approached. The dark-haired boy! 

Everything would be alright now. This boy Bara knew well. He was tall and lean with broad shoulders, his strides long. His hair, dark and wavy, shown with copper in a sun setting too rapidly to be real, but it didn’t matter because Bara forgot about the racing sun, forgot the nightmare that had just occurred. He was so close now … 

The sun slipped below the horizon. The sky disappeared into night. Bara heard her own breathing, fast and shallow. His was strong and even. She reached out. Her fingers found his warm cheek. She stepped closer, and he opened his arms. Like someone had thrown a switch, the moon lit up the sky. Stars burst through the night. His eyes, vibrantly blue, smiled down at her. His lips brushed her mouth. She returned the kiss, wishing it would go on forever. It didn’t. 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Ellie EM]

I really like this story. U did good with explaining characters and sounds and stuff. Keep writing! ^^

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, Ellie. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Ellie EM]

No prob ^^

[Sam A]

The storyline is very very compelling. I love the character development as well. This made NE feel as though I would be taken for a magical ride.
A few minor points:
1. Dust should not fall with a thud
2. Doppleganger is not a word I would use with that much frequency.

Please accept my humble criticism. You are a great writer!

[Pryde Foltz]

Thanks Sam for the review and the critique. Both are appreciated.

[Pryde Foltz]

Txs again, Sam. The dust falls with 'surprisingly' heavy thud now. And two doppelgängers have found a pronoun. You pointed out one of my weaknesses. I seem somewhat afraid of pronouns. lol.

[Sam A]

hmmm, I like "surprisingly heavy thud" ... it piques my curiosity

[Leewriter]

That was real cool....
I like the way you write. No time for second guessing; I felt liken I was strapped in, and you weren't
going to let me go. Strong, driven, all the things a good story should be......

Way to write it..... Pryde ")
it 's your boy
Leewriter

[Pryde Foltz]

Cheers, Leewriter. Glad you enjoyed what you read. And thank you for taking the time to read.

[Dayran]

Our dreams always reveal far more than we can reasonably understand but they certainly raise our interests on the mysteries that surround us in our lives.

A well communicated tale that pauses to share with the reader the thoughts and decision making of the individual in the story. Despite the unearthly and improbable events of the story it persuades the reader of its authenticity by the living sensations of anxiety and familiarity of the images. Like Jung's red book it paints a picture of a bigger experience beyond our daily concerns at the grocer. A difficult theme well handled. Well done.

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you and thank you for reading, Dayran.

[Sarah Conder]

Very interesting work, I enjoyed reading this :)

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you and thank you for reading, Sarah.

[Zero_Edge88]

"Fear is inherent in all of us and to know that we do not think we are afraid is to say we are really. "

"For what is indicative and contagious is but truly silenter and deadlier than anything is that fear will come creeping on us in a snap of fingers. It is scary but there is beauty. Insecurity but calmed nerves. There is no telling what will happen next. Until, a life experience that we never encountered before shall present itself then we're back again to the idea of it creeping again."

There I find it to say that it's what I saw. I don't know where my threshold for disturbing images is these days but it seems to me that I was more intrigued than perturbed. It was a fascination of whether she will make it or not that made me thought of "hmm" than an "Omg! Is she going to die!?" expression. After that I came back to my senses and saying "she made it, what's next?" It was vivid and I fell enough for it.

Wonderful, can't wait for next chapter :)

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you Zero. I'm getting a lot of that was scary. And as a writer it makes me happy to know I an getting an emotional response, but writing I wasn't like I am going scare the pants of everyone. What I wanted to happened was create the 'hmm'. What's going on here.

[Zero_Edge88]

I noticed that on the comments because I wanted to know after reading and agree to myself that intrigued look I had of saying, "Hmm, something's amiss." Then I saw, "scary" I was bewildered to look and reread it again but nothing struck as fearing as it was I wanted to ask questions about who the slender, built man is? Then the strangers, the so-called spirits, but more importantly for me was, "Where did all these people come from? Hmm" question! There's a hidden psyche involved in it and I wanted to dig into it but it wasn't fully explored!...Unless you're hiding it from us :P

That is all for now. Thank you again :)

[Carl Drake Barnard]

I love this the way you wrote this its really good!! :)

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, Carl. And thank you for taking the time to read.

[Carl Drake Barnard]

I know and I have a hangover so I read slowly Hehe,and I love reading books poems I write now and then but my passion lies in books always :)

[dw817]

⊰ℛℛ⊱
"And for a moment, something--something that shouldn’t be there--rolled inside his skull in waves of shiny black."
Ouugh ! That's gonna make some nightmares. :7 Wow, this is very descriptive and surprisingly easy to read. Goes right into the details, like an Anime horror. Nicely written - just - a little creepy for my tastes - and that's points to you.

[Pryde Foltz]

Cheer RR. Your comment about it being descriptive yet surprisingly easy to read is music to my ears. May you have sweet dreams.

[dw817]

Well thank you ... most of my dreams are very BUSY, but I don't have so many nightmares now that I sleep in pitch darkness. I had MANY nightmares growing up but now I think I can safely blame the night light for that. Funny thing - light when I sleep gives me bad dreams, wish I knew that years ago tho. :)

[Leeci]

Creepy. Very interesting story, nice read :)

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you for reading. Glad you enjoyed it. More to come later.

[B-poet]

Great story, very well written all the way to the end. Great work. An intriguing read. :)