Two AM

All the warmth around us, people constantly buzzing, busy saving themselves. Who's going to be there to hold you around two?

Trust

I used to let the words just flow. Like relief, flooding through my veins. Instead of feeling the pain in my heart or bones I saw it laid out on white paper. It was someone elses’, a person I could help, move, save…

It may sound pathetic. Never ask them, never tell them, never cry. No one ever told me it was a weakness, I think I read it somewhere. They all said for me to open up, 'you are not alone.'

What did they know? Where would they be at two AM? Certainly not at my side when my throat hurt from the raspy screaming, when my body shivered from the soaked sweaty linens, and the dreams and panic are closer than the human touch. Where would they be?

What words could they say that I had not already seen or heard somewhere? What tricks could they play to get underneath my skin and teach me all those new strengths I needed? How could they change the slight twinge in my heart when I realized all their soft touches felt like a million un-necessary lies.

All the smiling, and the talking. Their voices asking for answers as well...

You know my mom…

You know my brother…

They’re getting a divorce…

I’m not getting a horse…

I hurt myself to stop the pain…

I got drunk and slept it all away…

My boyfriend is cheating…

The bruise is not from a beating…

Help me… Save me… Touch me… love me…

They always want to talk. And since I never do, I guess they just figured it was free to go. All their secrets, the pain and the sorrows mingled with the joys and dirty needs, they tell them all to me. Expecting me to talk them straight, to give direction and smile it all away. To be strong for them.

They use my shoulder to cry their tears. They use my lap to rest their fears. When it’s late at night, they call my phone to hear me say it’s all alright. When it’s cold some of them cling to my body, just to take what little warmth I try to protect.

All this time, and I know all of them. But no one has yet to reach beneath my skin, read my heart or breach my well protected walls. I know they are not strong enough, that they would cry another tear in my name, or sit up late contemplating any of my pains, thinking of how to help, thinking ‘why, why did she never tell’, ignoring it or helplessly using clichés. Saying words I’ve read, words I’ve heard in the world and on tv. What difference would it make? So I add another brick. Nothing real, nothing tru.

No one to hold me around two…

 

  © 2006 Prudence

Author's Note

OMG! Written around 2004... The ups and down of being a teenager I suppose, and all these little other things. For the record I love my friends beyond all else, and I would not know what to do with myself if you weren't all here <3

Reviews

[Ashly Christen]

haha i just love the opening lines, i can def relate, it used to be such an easy word to say....

"Never ask them, never tell them, never cry." i used to tell myself this, sometimes still do, my bf had to fight with me to get me to open up, he had to really drag it outta me, so cute hehe :)

"Certainly not at my side when my throats hurt from the raspy screaming, when my body shivers from the sweaty linens, and the dreams and panic are closer than the human touch." - this brings back memories for me, another reason why i was so angry with them....it hurts to know that someone hears your crying, or sees your sad eyes and does nothing, dosent even ask, dosent really care....

I hurt myself to stop the pain�

I got drunk and slept it all away�

Help me� Save me� Touch me� love me�

~ I think we got alot in common girl


i just love this whole piece, every single word!!!
i really do
you do write like me
you write with your heart
that is what truly matters
when you can feel the words
not just see them
you did a wonderful job
i love it
love it
love it
♥ashly

[Krystal Waters]

Deep and with a lot of meaning. Inner thoughts and just letting the pen flow can create a beautiful piece of art. Even if it's two am... I at times wake up and write because I can't sleep. I find I get more done and better stories. Maybe it's because nobody is botherin me?!


Krystal

[Hold Fast Hope]

I really like this. It could use a better title though like "what happens at 2am then?" I like the beginning paragraph. The paragraph paves the way for the rest of your story. Well done.