How Dare You!

Off with the monkey's head!

A man-size baboon, strolling my yard

Raising a stink, his big butt of lard

How dare he!

How dare he! 

Strike terror in my heart

I’m doused in his fusty fumes

Bumhole! He just cannons a fart

 

A man-size baboon, high up on my tree

Roaming my roof, so ballsy and free

How dare he!

How dare he!

Swing his balls from side to side

 Bumfuzzled, I’m scratching the skies

No place left for me to hide

 

A man-size baboon, gobbling my grapes

The nutsack, he ogles at me and gapes

How dare he!

How dare he!

The cumwipe, the cockist, the ape

I’m cowering in my boots

What if this kitty, he does rape?

 

A man-size baboon, broke open my latch

Arsegoblin! On my mister he’s no patch 

How dare he!

How dare he!

C**k a snook at me and snigger

 Off with his balls! Says l'il Putty-Tat

His tiny nuts must grow no bigger

Author's Note

Form created by Dhara D. Kat, herself
Now please don't ask me to explain
For I doesn't understand it myself!

via GIPHY

Reviews

[.]

Lol! Such a feisty Kat we have here! If i was this baboon I would be protecting those sizable balls from her bared claws! Those baboons are very cocksure of themselves; it is certainly relevant to the male of our species as well, and a flatulant one must only increase the animosity you have for it. I suggest you lure it in with a sneaky trap of fresh bananas then pounce with those razors you have. If your aim is true it will probably never bother you again. I adore the humour and fun contained in this poem. It's a nice change from all the serious poetry and writes of depression that are found on the site. Very witty, Ms Kat!:))

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

I'm sure as hell going to try the smart strategy you just suggested. These pesky pests are getting annoying now and if I de-ball one of them I'm hoping they'll get the message. Thanks dear Jamila. You are as smart as you are beautiful. Love ya! :0

[albee]

I love your vocabulary...all those clanging guttural slanging f*****g anglo taxon words

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Thank you dear Albee! I am so happy you liked this piece!

[Neville]

Phew... never thought I would be grateful for being born a Gibbon .. hardly any balls at all .... and why do I get the feeling some baboon pissed ya off either before or on March 12th 2020 eh' :)

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

A baboon with footballs it was but how he ran after I wrote this hahaha. Thank you, dear Neville.

[Neville]

you are so welcome :)

[Inessa]

What a brilliant poem of wit! And that GIF is adorable! Placing yourself in the footsteps of a kitty makes for an exciting and hilarious read. That baboon should be on his guard. I sense the claws are out and sharpened! A very amusing and creative poem, Dhara. Loved it!

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Thank you so much dear Inessa. :)

[Lydia Shutter]

Hmmm.....a man should be careful in your garden, that's for sure! :) Of farting and swaggering and intruding.....and of feisty cats! I enjoyed this one. Lydi**

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Thanks a lot for stopping by with such kind words, dear friend Lydi.

[alanwgraham]

Wow Dhara! What on earth is going on in your head to come up with such a fantastically rude poem. It is disgustingly brilliant. To add to the mayhem the metre and rhyme are spot on.
Take care around baboon's!
Alan

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Belated yet heartfelt thanks dear Alan!

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

I hope to see a new version 2.0 of myself in the post covid era

[Paul Bell]

This could just be me, but is this really the ex-boyfriend.
Just got the idea he took the breakup badly, and sort of maybe eat to many pies thus ruining the six-pack he once had. In saying that, the police did mention a Baboon escaping from a zoo.

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Many thanks dear Paul. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

well ok!!!!!! i'm laughing ..but i'm scared too :))))))))))))))))) delightful comical scene and setting .. your characters colorful and on full display ... me thinks the worst of men has caused this humorous rebuke .. how dare he indeed >;-/
love the pic in you note .. instantly started singing Get back "monkey" Cat...
https://youtu.be/Ly07GWoK9aY?t=23
E.
ps. love your spirit :)

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Belated thanks my dearest friend.

[barleygirl]

Brilliantly creative! Love the uninhibited nature of your writing here! This reminds me of exactly how "huffy" a pet can be (cat or dog!) when someone intrudes on their domain, which is the lighthearted part of your message. Then there's also a harsher deeper meaning floating beneath the fun lines, reminding us of these kinds of intruders that really need to be avoided or chased off & our inner guard kitty needs to be on the lookout. Your various details to describe the intruder are delightfully slamming! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Einstein Noodle]

barley girl! as i was reading this i knew i had to let you know about it .. but i see you probably were irresistibly drawn to it ;) love ya girl!

[barleygirl]

(((HUGS))) to Gene & Dhara! Hope this week is starting out well for both of you! It's too dark & cold for me to get super excited about this week, but another cup of coffee might do it!

[Pennywriter]

Very energetic poetry. I almost hurt myself while laughing. When are you sending the cat police on the streets?! The cat people are searching for a leader.

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Belated but heartfelt thanks Pennywriter!