The Burnt Apple Tree

It is a very Short story about how a man burnt down an unfaithful tree.

"Today would be a wonderful day to have a drink, don't you think Doc?"

"Of course it would be a wonderful day to have a drink! There would be no reason to go outside today, it looks so dead. I think the only reason why I'd go outside is to look at that beautiful apple tree. Speaking of which, didn't you once have a beautiful apple tree? What happen to it?"

"I burnt it. I got tired of looking at its old ugly body.  I hated the way it would always tease me with the promise of apple, and never give me any. One day I noticed that the tree grew an apple, but unfortunately it was grew on my neighbor's side of the wall. Ever since that day he fell in love with My tree, he'd joke around about how he would steal My tree and plant it in his yard. I didn't think much of it at the time. But when I finally realized that it only grew apples for him, I destroyed the branches on his side of the wall. He was infuriated by my actions but I didn't care. It was my apple tree, not his. But ever since I cut the tree's branches it grew pale and lifeless. As if it wanted to grow on his side of the wall, but I continued to cut its branches so it would only grow apples  for me. It never did thou. One day I had to leave for a business trip, and when I arrived, I noticed the branches creeping over into my neighbor yard. I finally got feed up with this unfaithful tree and I burnt her. I burnt her to the ground... Once my neighbor found out I burnt his favorite tree, he wanted to kill me."

"Why would your neighbor want to kill you?"

"Because I killed her."

"Who was her?

"The tree... Diana."

"Do you regret burning the tree?" 

"Of course I regret it Doc. But it's to late for that now, the deed has been done."

"What ever happen to your neighbor?"

"The moment he saw Diana dead, he wanted to kill me. So he barged into my house holding a rifle ready to kill me, but I knew he was going to come and kill me. So I got prepared for his arrival, and the moment he walked through the door, I shoot him. I shot him in his head, his heart, and his pride."

"So you confess to killing this man?"

"Yes Doc, I did. Why you ask?"

"No more question, I'm sorry but you are out of time. We will resume this next Thursday."

"But Doc I don't wanna go. They're watching me!"

"Like I said we will resume this next Thursday. I am going to call the guards to take you back to your room."

The room was quite as I waited from the guards to arrive, it felt as if they were walking at a snails pace. I sat there looking at this crazy man who had killed his wife and neighbor, I felt unease being in the same room as him. But when the guards did arrive, he waved good-bye as they dragged him out. When they closed my door, I reached into my mini fridge and grabbed my gin and poured myself a glass. With my drink in my hand I looked outside my window to look at that Beautiful Apple Tree.

Author's Note

Tell me what you think. This is my first time writing a story and I would love to have know if i could fix anything.

Reviews

[DeeClare]

The story is intriguing, you should expand on this, maybe make it a mini series? The concept is something you could really run with.

[ProfessorPadilla]

I am honestly going to take you advice and turn this into a mini series. Hopefully I can maybe turn it into a book one day. Thank you for your advice.

[Argonaut1]

The story starts off with a bang that brought me in immediately which is exactly what you want to have happen. Death seems to be a prominent image as the first person character explains how dead it looks outside and that at times the apple tree produces no fruit. The first person character takes out their wrath on the tree when it produces fruit in the neighbor's yard but not his, describing extreme envy (look at that, you've captured two deadly sins right there).

I can understand that this man or woman is mentally ill, but unfortunately as the story draws to a close, no parallels are drawn between the tree and what seems like an inevitable conclusion. Let me explain that. At a few points this character is literally burning or hacking off limbs of this tree. They have literally murdered this tree and in a figurative, symbolic representation they've murdered something else, or I should I say someone. This person is a patient in a mental hospital for killing someone, but who? It's unclear, murky. I can understand why, or at least I think I know why (feel free to explain otherwise and elaborate in your writing) this person killed.

The images of fruit and it being in another's yard evoke someone being murdered over an infidelity like a girlfriend, lover, wife, sister, mother, therapist, whatever craziness you want to explore as you develop this piece.

That's what I see when I read this. The conclusion as I see it is him getting a spike pounded in his skull like many mental patients did before the late twentieth century. But I'm not seeing too many questions being answered. A fast way to lose a reader is to be too obscure. The fine line that readers walk is between showing and telling. You want to tell the audience certain things, but don't dump exposition on them. You want to show what's happening more often than not, but that doesn't mean being opaque. Put yourself into this character and try to ascertain what's going on their mind. The mind of someone who is mentally ill is that it's their own private world, one of their choosing that no one around them could possibly understand. This often comes in images or words that seem like utter nonsense to an outsider. However, these images and words do have a purpose and a history. They explain something troubling about this character you've created. Write from there. Expand. Clarify.

This is a wonderful start it just needs some questions answered and a great reveal at the end. Keep track of spelling here as well. Keep going. Don't give up!

[ProfessorPadilla]

Thank you for your advice, I have made multiple changes to the story. Hopefully it flows better and ends on a better note. I really enjoy reading your comments, then always help me make my work better. Thanks again.

[Shaquana Adams]

I agree with Marie, plus I felt the beginning was good, then it started to go off somewhere towards the end. The part where they are trying to get in the door was a very nice touch :)

[ProfessorPadilla]

Yeah I know it is kind of all over the place, but this was really an experiment to see what people liked in my writing. So I am going to revise it and listen to what you guys said. Thank you for the advise. :)

[Marie]

Good, but a little bit obscure. I get that he was crazy, but make it a bit plainer.

[ProfessorPadilla]

Thank you, and I know it is a bit obscure and that's how I wrote it to be. But I will try and make it bit plainer so it's not so Hemingwayish.