Emperors and Pawns

 

Guided misfortune is elusive to us all

 

A handful will fly and millions will crawl

 

Tighten the reins on the devil’s steed

 

We've filled this world with tyranny, lust, and greed

 

The ship has sunk and is scraping the ocean floor

 

Manned by the wicked and all the snide w****s

 

Grind the gears against our genes

 

The door will open and in come the fiends

 

Hunt them down, the world is wide

 

Bring the hounds, Pray they hide

Reviews

[PhantomDancer]

This is really neat. I like how you used differing line length and structure well. Great theme too. Well done. :-)

[W.k.kortas]

Despite your dismissal of his/her review, Wolfbaby has some valid points. Usually, writing in rhyming couplets is paired with a regular meter, which is clearly missing here; as a result, the piece has a halting, clunky feel to it. In addition, the imagery is vague and hazy in places-- the first and last lines are especially unclear, and have the feel of something shoe-horned in to fit the rhyme scheme. To be blunt, this is not a work which exhibits the kind of feel for poetic device that is the hallmark of someone qualified to heap scorn on the work--or opinions--of other writers.

[Adora.xo]

I like this poem alot! Mainly because it has very good imagery. But, I wouldn't worry about the rhyme scheme at all, it could be just me but I thought it had a great effect with the words, almost as if someone were hissing the words at you, kinda like a pirate was reciting it... ._. Well before I go off into la-la land with my imagination just wanted to say you did a good job =]

[Camille Corbett]

Oh my this is quite wonderful now! The t really was what it needed! It's like an open field now, ready to be sowed into by a person imagination!

[Camille Corbett]

"We have filled this world with murder, lust, and greed"
I would have liked another strong t on this line. IDK why but I want one
But overall it was nice. Potent.

[Allison]

This is really great! The message is hidden, but it pops out at you. I really like it!!! U have SUCH a way with words!

[Prodigo]

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings by reviewing your work honestly. I am surprised to see you have the maturity of an 8th grader and the audacity to try and copy my review of a poem of yours and paste it onto my work. Fortunately, now we all know Wolfbaby that you can't be taken seriously as a writer because your hormones de-permit you from taking constructive criticism like a real artist. Please leave this website and stick to asking your high school english teacher for insight into what you write. Read more Robert Frost, because if you think flow shows how good of a poet you are then you really are hopeless.