Eyes of Static

Creepiest piece I've ever written I think

I watched the static on the T.V. today. I noticed something. Two blacks and white dots started to follow each other. Around the screen they went. I watched closer, and they found two others. Those two then found two others. Again, and again, they came together. I looked closer, I saw eyes. A black eye and a white eye. The black eye looked beyond me at the radio on the wall. It turned on and I pulled my ear closest to one side. I heard a whisper. The black eye was muttering something so I came closer. It said "death." Suddenly, the white eye spoke clearly. "Life" is what the white eye said. They spoke their words together. I watched the eyes, and they watched my thoughts. The black eye was giving me thoughts, lots of thoughts. The white eye repeated "DONT, DONT, DONT, DONT!" I didn’t listen to the white eye. The black eye smiled. I smiled back. I peered at them again. I spoke "death."

Reviews

[Neversee]

They watched my thoughts, I like this leap of faith so to speak. We have to assume something there don't we?
One thing I would suggest, clean this up semantically, make us read it with pauses for effect. It feels like you rushed in the way this is bunched together... Make it last..

[Balthazar]

Damn, that is creepy. Nice work. More please!
Balthazar

[Mickey Hyde]

I like it! It's quite different and very neat.. Great job in my opinion, keep writing!!

-Mickey Hyde

[ABitBrokenPoetry]

this is a creative piece. i like the word play and the way you've presented it. i like how it starts out subtly, and grows deeper throughout, at first the dots playing with each other, to them representing life & death. a great write.