My Angel

                                                   Uncherished and unhappy, am resting on the couch, near the window opening it; guessing if the brand new air unblocks my little wide heart, but it fails. I thought, then, to think of another idea. Gained some consciousness, caught some ideas and held a brush in black and white hands filling the palette with florid colours, and trying to imagine a picture to paint, but the hand turns still, for a pinch of time. After a while, a picture my heart draws. And The hand begins to ramble on the paper. The black eyes I draw, twinkle for me when am sad, just to breathe in me a happiness rope. The nose the hand draws is alike of a joker, who becomes so, to make me smile...but the prettiest the nose is! The wide lips smiling, I figure out, which shines when the clouds of sadness cover my heart's  sky. The tiny sharp ears, which hears my wailing heart's whispers and absorbs within itself. The black hairs on the scalp, about the length of sunflower's petals, flows and blossoms like the one in the garden. The face my hands completely invents is a gift to me in this world's race. The face is my Angel's portray.

                                      A mesmeric face, who fetches my heart, is my gift. The kindest soul emerged through the cruellest world, is my heart's wonder. The painting glam up a creature, like me, and makes me smile. While the sadness again seems to cover me as the "Angel": He is not near to me. And I once again recalls the words" He will never be yours", which were spoken out by a friend to me.

Reviews

[Najam Us Saher]

Painful ending, I enjoyed the description and imagery you have created.

[Priyanshi]

Thank you so much, Najam, for the lovely review:)

[Najam Us Saher]

You're welcome :)

[Mavericks]

Will review it later, Priya...

[Priyanshi]

Okay..... no problem.... as you wish:)

[Farhan Shaikh]

It's not about the imagination you have its about the way you use it...and you always did good use of it

[Priyanshi]

Thank you sooo much, Farhan, for the lovely review.:))

[wordman]

it is certainly creative,i enjoyed the read

[Priyanshi]

Thank you so much, Sir, for the lovely review:))

[wordman]

my pleasure

[barleygirl]

This is a compelling story with a ton of imagination. I love the concept of creating a lover by painting -- instead of being sad & lonely, you've included all your favorite details to enliven this painted fantasy. Most people are more in tune with how a person looks (but not me), so this showed me a new point of view, with all the details one might wish for, in another (I would wish for personality traits, not looks).

In a few places you repeat over-used descriptive terms ("I thought to think" . . . "colorful colors" . . . and too many "prettier" & "prettiest") . . . in these spots, it would be good to find more unusual ways to describe your imagery. Words like "colorful" and "pretty" have become meaningless becuz everyone uses them to describe everything. In future writing, just try to reach a little more & find something new & fresh . . . also, it's good to practice using comparisons: "as delicate as a snowflake" or "as bountiful as a bouquet". Not saying you need to change this piece, but just ideas to think of as you continue writing (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Priyanshi]

True ma'am... it was just a picture that the mind created.
And am replacing the words"colorful" and "pretty"....please let me know if they suits the piece.... I'll be glad... And thank you so much for the honest review:))

[barleygirl]

What a difference! I'm so honored that you took some time to add in many more interesting descriptions! I am in love with words & such vocabulary love is now showing in your edited version! *smile*

[Priyanshi]

Am glad for editing it again...thank you ma'am....
Loads of smile:)