Cobweb

Cobweb

A Poem by Priyanshi

Thoughts  have hijacked my mind

thinking and over and  over it

and embroiled in the cobweb

getting no ways, no solutions,

unsolved  quarrels,

know that none's fault but

whom to blame

to me or............ 

© 2017 Priyanshi


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I like the way you are using "cobweb" as an entangling metaphor & I like your specific details of how it feels to be so tangled. In line 2, I wonder if the first "and" should be deleted? Also, as an idea for future writing, I think it would be good to extend the cobweb metaphor, describing life using vivid details from the cobweb idea . . . example: instead of being "embroiled" in the cobweb . . . how about describing how several sticky glittering strands are wrapping around your throat, like it's going to choke you! This is how to SHOW instead of tell (first rule of good writing).

Posted 7 Years Ago


Priyanshi

7 Years Ago

Thank you so much, for the honest review, I'm glad with the review. i must improve it and keep the r.. read more
we often blame ourselves for that which is out of our control...

Posted 7 Years Ago


Priyanshi

7 Years Ago

Yeah, true words, sir...'m glad your kind visit and review....thank you so much.
Sometimes, nature should answer this and it's better to leave for destiny....It's woven beautifully....I loved it..:)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Priyanshi

7 Years Ago

Thank you so much , Surya....I agree with you ......nothing is in our hands ...'m glad for your fo.. read more
Surya

7 Years Ago

It's all my plsr dear..:)

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3 Reviews
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Added on June 4, 2017
Last Updated on June 5, 2017

Author

Priyanshi
Priyanshi

India



About
Am a girl who desires to travel a journey from the dream world to the real world, Livin' the beautiful dreams on the land of reality. MY LINES----- "Never did sacrifice a jewel of min.. more..

Writing
 I WONDER I WONDER

A Poem by Priyanshi