Chapter 1

Sitting on the kitchen countertop, a mind wandered here and there. Like the Mad Hatter in one of those childhood stories that she read. The mind was though not in a hurry of course. It was lazily shifting from one memory to the other. A weird sound started growing in her ear when she realised that she badly wanted a cup of tea, strong tea to sooth that beastly headache growing in her head and it had been on the gas for quite some time now She turned off the gas. Sometimes life too was throwing googlies. She was close to drawing a parallel between her life and her cup of strong tea. Like the tea, she too was simmering; emotions lying close to the brim, sometimes trying to escape, sometime telling her that it’s ok to be not able to achieve the desired. 

What started as a dissatisfaction of sorts and wanting to be the best in whatever she did, now was hardening up to become frustrations. Frustrations to being tied down in a marriage, where she did not get what she invested. Her investment were largely non monetary but even then equally important.

She checked the time on the wall in the adjacent room by leaning from the place that she was sitting in. it was pretty easy for her. The clock looked mockingly at her as if it said, “madam it’s already 2:45 pm, another few minutes and this peace that hangs so beautifully in the air will be destroyed…like forever”. She finished off her tea and quickly laid out the table for her children. Being a figure conscious woman, she always felt that an early lunch and timely spaced out meals could do wonders for a woman who still wanted to look her best. And yet those 15-20 mins that she had of being completely to herself were the few moments of bliss in her otherwise dull and monotonous life.

These were the moments that she craved for. Her space, the kitchen was her favourite place apart from her bathroom. The kitchen window opened to an area which did not allow glaring sunlight but glimmers of it in bits and pieces. The jali (ornate) work outside the kitchen window too aided in the process thus allowing just parts of sunshine in the area. The place was not gloomy but was kind of illuminated with the sunlight rays that managed to wriggle its ways from the jails. Small but with full power, these rays had a weird craziness in them as if they were born to shine.

Just like her…born to shine. And then like the dirt that has stuck to the kitchen windows mixed with the oil in the smoke covered the wire mesh so beautifully and loyally, that it stuck on. Though some of the beautiful rays may have lost its shimmer and shine but nonetheless they have managed to script their journey so far. She too could be the rays of the sun but few things in our life are left unsaid, unexpressed or misunderstood to such an extent that there is no coming back from there. Different people absorb differently and thus they react too differently. If there was a troubled or confused soul even then it had to be her. She was sure that she wanted more from her life and even though the life in general had been mean to her. She was much more than just a pretty face and had so much more to give to her family, her kids and even to herself.

Her marriage to Alok Sen was that typical ‘arranged marriage wala scene” with her parents checking on the boy’s parents, their standing in the market and the boy’s income. After all they were the girl’s parents and seeming this was enough to marry off their only child to someone whom they thought they knew. With her father already having suffered from two heart attacks and the mothers fervent prayers and crying in the night, there was no chance for her to say no to a man like Alok who was wealthy enough to take care of her and her parents’ needs. Marriages are made in heaven may be correct but they needs to be maintained and lived here, on the earth sounds far closer to sensibilities.

A sudden ring of the doorbell jolted her back to the present day world. She was right there in the kitchen with a forgotten cup of tea that she so lovingly brewed had gone cold. She hopped on to the ground, dumped the cup into the wash basin while the content were swayed and sloshed all over the sink, Yamini almmost ran towards the door to open the door hurriedly only to find her son at the door trying to push past each other. The ‘quiet’ of the house was disturbed and the status changed from ‘stone cold’ to ‘warmth’ unlike her life which was already cold to begin with.

And then life goes on…

When the mind is at rest, we all tend to think. That’s a human pastime. We have been genetically wired or programmed to be this way. There are so many feelings that need an outlet and when they can’t, they quietly go out of our active minds only to stare at our faces when we are quiet. The mind is unique. It captures everything, from childhood admonishments when you misbehave to the subtle insults that come your way disguised as feedback and sharing when you enter the new house. Sometimes the damage may not be superficial but deep within; the hurt is so profound that it lacks words. Sometimes it is not the physical hurt but insensitivity towards you which are the nails to the coffin. In the relationships, the lack of check during the interactions and the monotony that slowly creeps into our relationship, tend to kill it off more than anything else.

 

Reviews

[Mirror]

Another great work. I love this Yamini character.She is strong and determined. Yet she is human with human pent up emotions. She allowed herself that momentary weakness expressed through her thought. but i love the positive end note. with the advice that leaves a mark on the reader.

[Esha]

This is a part of a bigger story. so more chapters to come.