Once upon a time

Its an attempt to take you throughtout the satirical journey of our dear dwelling earth and that of us humans.

Once upon a time,
a ray of hope shine.
A weird creature evolve,
on planet which revolve.
The planet which was bare,
where even survival was dare.
On everything was lone,
was not now alone.
The civilizations spread entire,
the resources they took hire.
It was like a endless debt,
for which planet hoped and wait.
All it was over to exhilarate,
but it was time to desolate.
The treasure got ruin,
and exhaustion was very soon.
The creature which spread hate,
was on verge of facing fate.
Who started as a caveman,
we now call it as a human.

Reviews

[A.r. Bazian]

i feel more that every age brings and carries upon itself the extinction of its very characteristics! Humankind is just an attribute to the past 120+million years that our species have surfaced!
i wonder what will come in follow!
but worry not!
nature has its way in control itself! anything we do to better our consumption and devise of the world around us, is only a mere prolonging of our existence!
like all species, i'm sure ours will either evolve, or go extinct!
what a shame it is how we made this haven a living hell, but rest assured, our earth will recover, with or without us, and time will tell!

[Pritesh]

I really can find your concern with the nature and the looming anxiety on entire mankind...its certainly ironical and unprecedented of any species to press self destruction button recklessly...more than an oblivion its deliberate of us to do such...thanks

[Norma M Sutton]

Nice and as we started we may once again become . . . caveman.

[eeoopig]

Ah the dark side of humanity. I loved this poem - it rhymed and flowed well. Good work :D

[Pritesh]

thanks for the review.

[Coyote Poetry]

I believe caveman were more logical. Who would have weapons to destroy the world a thousand times over? Most of the powerful countries have weapons that could destroy this world. Are we civilized or led by mad men?? Who would threaten to shot a nuclear weapon in their region? Last 5 years been many places ready to kill whole regions. Caveman may had the better life? Somewhere in the last 70 years the world lost control and went mad. I pray for logic and wise leaders so our children can grow up and have opportunity. Thank you for your thoughts and the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Timeless-Chan]

in the 2nd and 3rd line I feel like it would be better if you took out the "a"'s and added "s" after "ray" and "creatures"
your poem is really great tho:)

[Pritesh]

Thanks for the review

[marie]

this tells of humanity's worse side it is good we remember that people are not always good however we must also remember that people have good in them as well as bad

[Helen Crutchett]

"Once upon a time,
a ray of hope shine."

Yes, it did! What happened? WE happened....not evolving like the Creator intended. Nature is perfect and we are the ones that are out of balance.

"The creature who spread hate...."

Good job Pritesh!

[Pritesh]

Thanks for your review!

[GunMetal]

You're very good a rhyming, and using unusual phrasing. A bold story in a short poem. Nice work.

[Stanley Wilson]

brilliant definately a journey well penned

[Zombie Waffle]

A very unique idea for a poem - I like it. =)

A few gramatical errors (eg, 'a endless' should be 'an endless') but still very good work.

[kayla]

I enjoyed this poem(: Nice rhymnes.