Peedee

 Peedee, once again, was in one of his moods. Maybe it was all the nuts he’d eaten. Maybe he was just bored. Closing his eyes he continued to sun himself on the warm wooden deck. Nearby, his vigilant mother peered down from above and could only sigh. Where had she gone wrong? Why wasn’t her son out playing with the rest? Sooner or later, she knew she would have no choice but to kick Peedee out. It’s what squirrels do you know. They don’t dwell on things much. They have their instincts and they simply follow through with them.

 

 How boring this all seemed to Peedee. He had known for some time he wasn’t like the rest. He would never be like the rest. A piece of tail – why chase that?

 

 Look at them, running around like a bunch of… squirrels. Even the name “squirrel” bothered him and he rarely used it in everyday conversation. Most conversations, at least the interesting ones, were those he had with himself.

 

 The owner of the deck from which Peedee enjoyed his languid afternoons stayed mostly inside where it was cool. Occasionally he would make an appearance to replenish the two bird feeders hanging from the tree and place a single ear of corn in a metal holder nearby. “Tough work,” Peedee thought as he stretched himself out even further for his daily afternoon nap.

 

 The owner had gone inside but had returned in a tippy-toed fashion with his camera. Time to get yet another picture of the squirrel sunning himself. Oh joy. Peedee feigned to be asleep right up until the camera clicked. At that very instant Peedee lunged for the camera. The look on the owners was truly a Kodak moment. Standing on his back haunches Peedee was chuckling hysterically. So much in fact that he broke his rule of never speaking to humans. As tears of laughter rolled down Peedee’s cheeks he said, “Why don’t you take a picture of this.” With that Peedee had raised his right paw defiantly as the owner scrambled to his feet to get the picture.

 

 That evening the owner showed a printed copy of the photo to his pot-smoking buddy, Spade. The more pot they smoked the more they realized just how totally awesome the owner’s photo was. Was the squirrel actually flipping them off? Spade was convinced the squirrel’s middle index was fully extended. The owner eventually decided he could trust Spade and told him that the squirrel had actually spoken to him. “Far out man” was Spade’s response.      

 

 They decided to see if the squirrel had come back to the deck. Spade had a net and the owner had a shovel. As they looked around Spade yelled out, “Anyone got some nuts?” Shortly thereafter a nut mysteriously landed on the deck. “Thanks man!” yelled Spade as he reached for the nut. Looking towards the trees Spade was on a roll, “Wanna smoke some pot?” 

 

   At first there was nothing but silence but then came the rustling of bushes and one by one they came forward. The first to come out was a huge brown bear followed by a couple of raccoons and then a white rabbit named Alice hopped herself deck. Peedee of course couldn’t resist the offer and scampered down to join the fun. Even momma Peedee came down for a couple hits. Before too long Ace and Spade had a real party going on. “You guys are animals”, slurred Spade before passing out.

 

 Later the next morning the owner and Spade woke up to find themselves stretched out on the deck. Peedee was back in his usual spot sunning himself. Neither the owner nor Spade had any recollections of the night before. Those in the lower order of the food chain knew once again their secret was safe. “Never underestimate the intelligent design of man,” mused Peedee to himself.