Here They Come Again

 

 The gods came to me again last night. At least I’m hoping that’s what they were. Those demon types scare me, especially the two-legged kind. As for those that come in a bottle, lets just say, even the devil needs a friend now and then.

 

 I may not see them but I definitely can hear them. I was in no mood to argue so I just listened, as usual. I’d nod every now and then just to make it look good. I knew if I put up little resistance eventually this would pass, they would leave and I could get back to sleep. These guys don’t seem to care when they come or when they wake me; sometimes I haven’t even fallen asleep.

 The message is always the same - it never changes. They never try to sugarcoat things. What’s wrong with a little sugarcoating? “Sweet Jesus”, why not? Why hasn’t anyone formed a church where sin is what you make it? Where the pastor calls all to a life as lazy as chocolate sauce being poured slowly over a large bowl of ice cream. Surely we could find some slick politician to spin the Bible the way I’d like it.

 Why not a church where every parishioner gets a sweet little wife or a well-to-do sugar daddy just for signing up? A wife that greets you with kisses in the morning and kisses at night. A wife that let’s you do as you please, when you please. A wife that leaves you free to ponder the lint between your toes when putting your socks on in the morning.

 The “Church of Sweet Jesus” would come with kindly old women who serve up trays of hot fresh cinnamon rolls. The kind of woman that always keeps your coffee cup filled with her hot delicious coffee.

 There’s only one problem I see with this whole concept - EVERYONE would want to join. I don’t like crowds or commercialism. What possible criteria could there be that might keep some of all of those fat, lazy, chauvinistic slobs like me from joining.

 

 Maybe I should sleep on it.

 

Oh s**t, here they come again.

Reviews

[Kasey]

I liked this. It was in a different spectrum than I'm used to reading on here. It was refreshing, and at the same time kind of judicious� with this underlying and whimsical insight. It kind of reminded me of being forced to go to church as a child, and my feelings towards all of that.

Well-done!