Marathon

We are vultures,

clamoring around the dead with sullen eyes,

The screams of mothers drown in the din of,

calls begging reassurance and,

reason,

Nothing more.

Avid eyes watch,

Broadcasts from afar,

Repeat,

Nothing said in a veil of words

Repeat,

Nothing said in a veil of words.

Remind us,

it's OK.

an ocean separates,

formulated equations of improbability,

safety in numbers,

Nothing to fear,

but fear itself,

and,

Our own parasitic hope.

Author's Note

I appreciate constructive criticism, with that said please make sure to be specific. I am a fledgling writer so I do not expect gleaming reviews but if there is something you particularly like it is nice to hear!

Reviews

[LJW]

I particularly like the whole poem. :-)

The repetition in S2, effective.
The final line "our own parasitic hope" is awesome.
I feel your use of punctuation throughout is off, as is your use of caps in some places.

Willing to do a complete edit. Let me know if you'd like this and I'll send it to you privately.

All in all, well written.

[Riverz]

there is therapy for that. or you could go biking with mountain cats.
alone. with the pressure reduced in the tires. dusk, not noon.

change it up COMPLETELY. be brave.