What does recovery look like?

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3 John 1:2 “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.”

If you read my blog, you know I believe everyone has life trauma of some kind for which they need recovery. And I don’t mean recovery from substance abuse or addiction, because that may or may not be a part of it.

It might be childhood trauma, a divorce or the death of someone we love. It might be the loss of a job, a miscarriage, a scary diagnosis. People who have experienced those things don’t just need physical recovery. They also need to recover from the emotional/psychological/spiritual trauma those things bring with them. Because life really beats us up, doesn’t it?

So keeping in mind that recovery is a process, not an event, what does that recovery look like? How can I know whether I’m growing?

Evidence of recovery might mean we are learning to be gentle with ourselves. Saying harsh, brutal things to and about ourselves isn’t recovery. People in recovery are also learning how to love others in a healthy way without losing their own identity. They have healthy boundaries for themselves, and they respect the boundaries of others.

People in recovery don’t look for someone to blame. They take ownership of their part of a situation without trying to make others see their part. They are beginning to forgive others and themselves. They’re not trying to control people, places and things. They are learning the only person they can change is themselves. They’re also learning to let other people make their own choices and face the consequences of those choices.

Recovery might mean acceptance of the things we can’t change. It might mean letting go of shame and accepting ourselves as we are until God begins to change us. It’s understanding that God needs to change others too and that it’s His job, not ours, to do that. It’s learning to recognize when we’re being controlling and letting go as soon as we see it.

Being in recovery doesn’t mean there won’t be tears, but there will be laughter too. There might be sorrow, but there will also be joy and hope. People who are working a program of recovery try to reach out to others without a hidden agenda. When they do something for another person, they do it “for fun and for free” and without an emotional price tag.

As people grow in recovery, they find they’re not as fearful as they used to be. And when they are afraid, they have tools to handle it: a group, a friend, or an accountability partner, and a relationship with God, who can replace that fear with faith. As they gain courage from God and from others, they’ll see their own potential to grow, to change, and to succeed.

Self-pity won’t rule their lives, and they will be able to feel whatever they feel without being a slave to those feelings. They will acknowledge that bad things do happen, but those things don’t have to steal their joy. Eventually, they will feel gratitude and see the wonder in each day even if it isn’t a wonderful day.

It sounds almost too good to be true, doesn’t it? And you may not have all these things in your life today…you may not ever have all of them all the time. But this kind of freedom, this kind of hope, this kind of joy is a promise to those of us who are willing to do the hard work of recovery. If it works for others, and it does, it might just work for you and me.

Challenge for Today: What might happen if we, just for today, chose to do the hard work of recovery?