Letters to Susan Part 20: You don’t have to decide everything today.

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Luke 14:28 “For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?”

Part of this post is my response to a devastated parent who emailed me asking how she could help her prodigal.

(Note: Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved.)

Dear Susan:

Loving someone who is acting out in destructive ways can keep us in crisis mode. And as if dealing with our feelings isn’t enough, we’re faced with making decisions in the midst of crisis…not an easy thing to do. The good news is you don’t need to decide everything today.

There are some things that require immediate attention, of course. Missy needed to be in the hospital, and that was an immediate concern. However, most of the decisions we have to make concerning our prodigals won’t suffer from our taking a little time to consider the best options. And, in fact, it’s usually to our benefit to think things through before making a decision.

Taking a little time to reason things out, praying about the right thing to do, and perhaps seeking some counsel from someone who has walked our path are all good options. They’re certainly a better plan than deciding what to do while we’re half out of our mind with fear or anger. Often the decisions that seem the most immediate or the most pressing are the very ones we should defer until we’ve had time to think.

Decisions made on the basis of our feelings (fear, anger, resentment, sorrow) are unlikely to be the best ones. Luke 14:28 questions whether we would decide to build a tower without first measuring the cost. And believe me when I tell you decisions do have consequences, sometimes far reaching consequences, whether they are made on impulse or not. What do I mean?

After several years of promising myself I would plant flowers in the flower bed out back, I bought the plants and bulbs this weekend and started to work this morning. Knowing it would take a few hours to get it done, I started early, anticipating the beautiful flowers I’d have in a few weeks. But it didn’t work that way.

After spreading the top soil, I began to dig holes for the sweet little bulbs. However, I didn’t get very far down before I realized something hard was in the way. Sure enough. There was a brick…then another…then another.

To my dismay, I found they were everywhere in that (potential) garden bed. I finally had to get a shovel and begin turning the soil over, digging up bricks as I went. And I’m not done yet. I vaguely remember putting those bricks in there to raise the level of the garden…though I don’t know why in the world I would ever do that! I obviously didn’t think it through carefully enough.

In the same way, we often don’t think things through when someone has broken our hearts, and the temptation is to react rather than respond. That’s why taking some time to “measure the cost thereof” can be invaluable. And if we aren’t able to do that measuring right now, it might be a good idea to postpone making any decisions until we are.

A lot of damage can be avoided if we leave unsaid the thing our emotions want us to say…or at least wait to say them until we’ve thought about it and can say them in love. Choosing to trust God in the dark because of what He’s shown us of Himself in the light will keep us from deciding to walk away from Him when our hearts are broken.

The day is going to come…I promise you it will…when your life will again be a beautiful garden. Taking a “wait and see” approach to what you say or do today can keep you from having to clear away the bricks that will keep that garden from happening.

Challenge for Today: What might happen if we, just for today, reminded ourselves that we don’t have to make every important decision immediately?