Have I failed God because I’m afraid and discouraged?

Today's Precious Prodigal's Post = http://bit.ly/1Uhb0XU

Title: Letters to Susan Part 18: Have I failed God because I’m afraid and discouraged? 

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Part of this post is my response to a devastated parent who emailed me asking how she could help her prodigal. 

(Note: Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved.)

Psalm 27:14 “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.”

Lamentations 3:26 tells me it’s a good thing to have hope. It also tells me it’s good to “quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord.” Waiting is hard enough…but waiting quietly? That requires hope, trust, persistence and patience, none of which are my strongest assets. A newborn baby may have to wait for his bottle or a two-year old for his lunch, but he isn’t going to do it quietly.

Like them, I can choose to pitch a hissy fit and act like a spoiled child when I don’t instantly get what I want. However, the peace I so desperately need, the serenity, the joy…they are all dependent on my both hoping that God will meet my needs and also having the courage to wait patiently until He does.

Waiting isn’t easy, is it? When we’re walking a wilderness journey, it’s even harder. Whether it’s loving a prodigal, battling a disease, or carrying a heavy burden of any kind, it can seem like it’s gone on forever. I can’t speak for you, but when I’m hurting or frustrated, I want relief, I want answers, I want solutions…and I want them now. Is there something we can do to help ourselves?

For the prophet Jeremiah, the answer was to change his focus. He did that by recalling that it is the Lord’s mercy that keeps us from being consumed. (Lam 3:22-24) I’ve always thought that meant consumed because of our sins. However, I read that differently this morning, and it changed my perspective as well as my focus. It’s God’s mercy that keeps us from being consumed by the evil in the world and by the heartbreak that we all face sometimes.

While that’s true, I recently learned another truth while I was recovering from major surgery. They told this fiercely independent person that she would need home health care during recovery. I was sure I wouldn’t need that help, but I did. And although the pain was easily managed, I was astounded at how weak I was.

I didn’t do a very good job of applying the basic things I tell those of you who read my blog or come to hear me speak. I’m talking about things like not overdoing it, eating properly, and taking time to come apart before you “come apart.”

While I haven’t had a meltdown (yet), I found myself being irritable, tearful and way too far into my own head. I can’t speak for you, but inside my head can be a dark and dangerous place. That’s especially true when I’m tired because fear, worry and even self-pity are all much more evident then.

Sometimes when I’m bombarded by several crises at once, I certainly don’t feel like Great Heart from Pilgrim’s Progress. Instead of being a giant killer, I find myself overwhelmed by my own giants. When I’m weary in body, mind, and spirit, my journey can seem very tough indeed. On those days, I can remind myself that I don’t have to be a tower of strength…it’s ok for me to just be human. And I can remind myself to “wait on the Lord.” The thing is, waiting on the Lord doesn’t just mean waiting, patiently or not, for the answer we’re seeking...or any answer at all.

According to our text verse, it means waiting for Him to strengthen our hearts. This verse acknowledges that our hearts are going to be weak and even overwhelmed at times. It’s not about whether those times will come: they will. And when they do, I can use the little courage I have and ask God to strengthen my heart. Then I can be patient with myself until He does.

Challenge for Today: What might happen if we, just for today, gave ourselves permission to be something less than a tower of strength and trusted that God will strengthen our hearts?