Letters to Susan Part 1: Why you and I can’t fix another person

Today's Precious Prodigal's Post = http://bit.ly/1GNCyYH Like what you see? Please "Like" & "Share" with your online friends. Want to read more? Go To: preciousprodigal.com

Today's Precious Prodigal's Post = http://bit.ly/1GNCyYH

Title: Letters to Susan Part 1: Why you and I can’t fix another person 

#notmyjob #wastedeffort

Like what you see?

Please "Like" & "Share" with your online friends.

Want to read more? Go To: preciousprodigal.com

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James 3:1-2 “Let not many of you become teachers…for we all stumble in many ways.”

(Note: Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved.)

I recently received an email from a devastated parent named Susan. Her 19-year-old daughter, Missy, was in the hospital because of self-harm. It was obvious to this hurting Mom that Missy was also under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

I gave some prayerful thought to what I could say that might help this frightened parent, and I came up with several things. Let’s look at them one at a time.

Dear Susan:

I know you care desperately about how you can help Missy, but that isn’t going to be the focus of my response. There are several reasons for that. The first is that you can’t “fix” another human being no matter how much you try, no matter how much you care, no matter how much you are afraid and your poor heart is in shreds.

One of our sons had been in treatment, and all of us were participating in “family aftercare.” The topic that night was our inability to control others. My husband’s frustration continued to build all the way home. Once there, he sat looking out the window and before any of us could get out of the car, he exploded.

I can still see him pounding on the steering wheel and hear his angry words: “I will control my kids! I will get my family back on track!” The problem, of course, was that the family wasn’t just off the track…they weren’t even on the train anymore. Whatever his plan was, it didn’t work very well.

My heart still hurts for him and for all of us who have realized that we can’t control or “fix” our prodigals. It’s bad enough when that prodigal is a spouse, a friend or sibling or even a parent. But when it’s one of our kids, it takes on a whole new dimension, and we’re pretty sure we know the solution if they would only listen to us.

One of the problems with that thinking is it assumes we can tell other people what’s right for them. However, James 3 cautions us that most of us shouldn’t attempt to be teachers because “we all stumble in many ways.” (James 3:2) Before we can begin to argue that, James writes about how we can’t control our tongues. (James 3:8) If I can’t even control my own words, how can I control another person?

Trying to “fix” our prodigals also assumes we know their hearts, their motives, their plans and the outcomes when in truth we don’t know any of those things. Half the time I don’t know why I say or do the things I do. For me to assume I know those things about others is arrogant in the extreme.

Not only is trying to “fix” our prodigals futile, but it may also interfere with what God is doing in their lives. And make no mistake about it. God is doing something. Psalm 139 says God not only knows what our prodigals are doing, but He also understands why they’re doing it. He is “familiar with all [their] ways.” (Ps 139:2,3) God has “hemmed [them] in,” and there is nowhere they can flee from His presence. (Ps 139: 5,7)

God’s got this, Susan. God’s got this, whoever you are that loves a prodigal. God’s got this. Our part is to get out of the way and let Him work. Here’s where I gently remind you that God has a Holy Spirit, and it’s not you or me. Our job is to love them; it’s God’s job to change them.

Challenge for Today: What might happen if we, just for today, stopped trying to “fix” our prodigal?