How can remembering the past help anyone?

Here's the Precious Prodigal post for August 04, 2014: How can remembering the past help anyone? #thepromises #regrettingthepast Please "Share" using this "ShortLink" = http://bit.ly/1v34KHa

Psalm 51:3 “For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.”

I went to see a close friend pick up a 20-year chip at an open meeting of people in recovery. That chip meant she was celebrating 20 years of continuous sobriety. People asked the usual question, “How did you do it?” When we were at lunch later, I asked her the same question, “How did you do it?” And she told me she did it by remembering.

Remembering. It’s a vital part of any recovery program whether it’s alcoholics or addicts or other people in recovery or it’s the people who love them. Whether it’s AA, Alanon or Celebrate Recovery, one of the “promises” of those programs is that people will reach a point where, instead of regretting the past, they will see “how their experiences can help others.”

I’m not trying to say the things our prodigals (or we) have done aren’t wrong. Of course, they are. Nor am I saying we don’t need to make them right to the best of our ability. We certainly do. I’m not saying there won’t be sorrow over those things because probably there will be. Although we don’t need to be consumed with guilt, we also don’t want to forget what it was like.

Remembering the way it was will help keep us moving forward and may help others along the way. If you were an active alcoholic or addict or some other kind of prodigal, remembering the way it really was is vital. To forget the pain and despair of being in “the far country” is to become complacent. To become complacent is to relapse, and to relapse may very well be to die. You don’t dare forget.

But what about those of us who love that prodigal…do we need also to remember? You bet we do. Before we started our own journey of recovery, we may have deceived ourselves into thinking the prodigal was the only one who was sick. We’ve learned better, and we now realize we were as sick as our prodigals…and in some cases even sicker.

Looking at our actions with new eyes, many of us have been surprised and ashamed of the things we’ve said and done. We’ve seen how our attempts to control someone else’s behavior have been harmful and self-centered. Instead of helping our prodigal to get better, our best efforts have helped to keep him or her sick. To forget our own part is to repeat it and start the whole process again.

I don’t like having to look at a situation and take ownership of my part without blaming the other person for theirs. I like even less needing to go to those people and admit I’ve done something to hurt them. You probably don’t like those things either. But acknowledging our part and admitting to ourselves and to others where we were wrong is the best way to make sure we continue to grow instead of going back to the way we were.

You and I don’t have to hate the things others have done to us or those things we’ve done to hurt ourselves. And even the things we’ve done that hurt others can be reminders to us of where we don’t want to go anymore. David said of his adultery and murder, “…my sin is ever before me.” And that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps remembering the things we’ve done, the mistakes we’ve made is something we need to hold fast.

Challenge for Today: Can you, just for today, see the mistakes of your past as a tool to keep you from making the same mistake again?