Am I hurting myself by holding on to resentment?

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Hebrews 12:15 “Looking diligently...lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you…”

Helping my husband with the yard is a new experience for me, and I’ve quickly come to a conclusion:  I hate crabgrass. I don’t mean I dislike it...I mean I despise it. I consider it my personal and mortal enemy, an abomination.

It starts out small, but those roots grow quickly until they find a rock and not just any rock but a big, obnoxious rock. Then they wrap around that rock, becoming entangled and almost impossible to remove. If you have a yard, you know exactly what I mean.

Crabgrass reminds me of the “root of bitterness” we’re warned about in Hebrews 12. That kind of bitterness may start out small, an irritant that grows into resentment. Then, hidden in the depths of our hearts, it becomes a root wrapped around the stone our hearts have become from harboring it.

We think we’ve really forgiven our prodigals. Then they do something else or, even worse, they do the same thing all over again. How many times are we supposed to forgive them? Jewish law required offenders be forgiven three times. Peter thought he was being generous and asked if he should forgive seven times. But according to Jesus, there isn’t a limit on how many times we’re supposed to forgive. (Matt 18:22)

I don’t understand why, but it seems harder to forgive people we love. We say we gave the offense to the Lord long ago, but we actually didn’t. How do I know? Because every time we think about what they did, we get angry or hurt all over again. Not only is that not the kind of forgiveness God expects, it also isn’t the kind of love He requires of us.

1 Corinthians 13 says that love “thinketh no evil.” The NIV says it more clearly by stating love “keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Cor 13:5) In other words, love doesn’t keep a list. Wait…we don’t keep a list like that, do we?

I was recently in tears about my prodigal. The offense was a betrayal, and I was devastated. Harry told me to let it go, and I responded, “This is exactly what this person did 25 years ago!” How could I know that so specifically? Why, I got the information from the list hidden way back in the corner of my heart…you know, the list that love and forgiveness tell us we’re not supposed to have.

Forgiveness is a choice that has nothing to do with the offender and everything to do with obedience. And it’s a process. You may have pulled out the crabgrass of unforgiveness when you gave it to the Lord. However, some of those resentments have roots that aren’t immediately obvious.

After we’ve chosen to forgive, those resentments may “spring up again and trouble us.” (Heb 12:14) So we need to be diligent to watch for resentments and to give them to the Lord immediately. If we ignore them or indulge in nurturing them, the roots get stronger and more entangled until they steal our peace and our joy.

There we are, creating our own grief and being troubled in our spirits because we stubbornly hold on to resentment. That resentment hurts us more than anyone else, and it’s one of the things we need to lay aside.

Challenge for Today: Can you, just for today, ask God to help you forgive that one who hurt you. Can you let it go?