Can someone please tell me how to fix my prodigal?

Here's Rita's new Precious Prodigal post for July 7, 2014: Can someone please tell me how to fix my prodigal? #trustGod #letitgo Please "Share" this using this "ShortLink" = http://bit.ly/1qExa60

James 3: 1-2 “Let not many of you become teachers…for we all stumble in many ways.”

One of our sons had been in treatment, and all of us were participating in “family aftercare.” The topic that night was our inability to control others. I remember vividly my husband’s frustration, anger and fear that continued to build all the way home. When we arrived home, he sat there looking out the window for a moment and before any of us could get out of the car, he exploded.

I can still see him pounding on the steering wheel and hear his angry words: “ I will control my kids, I will stop this from continuing, I will get our family back on track!” The problem, of course, was that the family wasn’t just off the track…they weren’t even on the train anymore. Whatever his plan was, it didn’t work very well.

My heart still hurts for him and for all of us who have realized that we can’t control or “fix” our prodigals. It’s bad enough when that prodigal is a spouse, a friend or sibling or even a parent. But when it’s one of our kids, it takes on a whole new dimension, and we’re pretty sure we know the solution if they would only listen to us.

One of the problems with that thinking is that it assumes we are absolutely right. That assumption may lead us to believe we can tell or teach other people what’s right, but James 3 cautions us that most of us shouldn’t attempt to be teachers because “we all stumble in many ways.” (James 3:2)

Before we can begin to argue that, James writes about how we can’t control our tongues. (James 3:8) If I can’t even control my own words, how in the world can I control anyone else? Trying to control others also means we have made a judgment call about what they’ve done and about what God is doing in their lives.

Trying to “fix” or control our prodigals also assumes we know their hearts, their motives, their plans and the outcomes when in truth we don’t know any of those things. Half the time I don’t know why I say or do the things I do, and neither do you. For us to assume we know those things about another person is arrogant in the extreme.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t set limits on our kids’ behavior while they are young and live at home. Of course we should, and we will answer to God someday if we don’t teach our kids what’s right. But chasing after our adult children and trying to control what they do is futile. Not only will it not work, but it may very well interfere with what God is doing in their lives. And make no mistake about it. God is doing something.

Psalm 139 says clearly that God not only knows what our prodigals are doing, but He also understands the reasons behind it as only He can do. He is “familiar with all [their] ways.” (Ps 139:2,3) God has “hemmed [them] in,” and there is nowhere they can flee from His presence. (Ps 139: 5,7)

God’s got this, Mom and Dad. God’s got this, whoever you are that loves a prodigal. God’s got this. Our part is to get out of the way and let Him work. Here’s where I gently remind you that God has a Holy Spirit, and it’s not you or me. Our job is to love them; it’s God’s job to change them. And trying to control our prodigals is one of the things we need to lay aside.

Challenge for Today: Can you, just for today, let go of that iron control that is probably motivated by fear? Can you instead trust that God knows what He’s doing?