Five Finger Recovery: What Kind of Friend Can Understand My Pain?

June 04, 2014: Five Finger Recovery: What Kind of Friend Can Understand My Pain? Please "Share" my new Precious Prodigal Post: http://bit.ly/1kLv5xY

Ezekiel 3:15 “Then I came to them of the captivity…and I sat where they sat, and remained there astonished…”

What a contrast there is between Ezekiel going to the Israelites in captivity and Job’s “friends” going to sit and grieve with him! Job’s friends used words that wounded rather than healed and added to his pain. Knowing nothing, they thought they could speak for God and tell Job what he needed to do.

Ezekiel, on the other hand, was sent by God to minister to the Israelites while they were captives in Babylon. I can only guess the misery he saw when he got there. So why was his reaction different from that of Job’s friends? I think it’s because, knowing he was going to be there with them, he “sat where they sat.” (Ezek 3:15) He experienced what they did, and it gave him a depth of understanding and compassion that couldn’t have come any other way.

Like Job and Ezekiel, there’s going to be a world of difference between those who look at our lives from their perspective and those who are facing the same things we are. How can people understand the bitter betrayal of a broken marriage if their own marriage is thriving? How can they understand the devastation we are facing with our children if their own kids are doing the right things and the parents’ hearts are filled with joy? The simple answer is, they can’t. And isn’t it unfair of us to ask someone to do what we know they cannot do?

That’s where a group of people sharing a common struggle can be helpful, and it’s why I recommend support groups like Alanon, AA, and Celebrate Recovery. In support groups like that, we find that we can both understand and be better understood by people who have walked and are still walking the same difficult path we are. That these groups respect your anonymity means it is a safe place to take your pain and to share honestly knowing your words won’t be repeated outside that room.

I’m not talking about finding someone who will say what we want them to say or who will encourage us to be martyrs or victims. And I’m not suggesting people in those support groups have all the answers. In fact, they don’t attempt to tell one another what they “should” do. Instead, they share what they did and whether and how that worked for them. They share from their experience, their strength, and their hope.

Loving a prodigal means we have a tough path to walk, but it’s an easier path to walk when we have friends who understand and walk it with us. Sometimes those friends will encourage us to look at some hard truths. While that’s not always comfortable, knowing they have faced the same things makes it easier. Ezekiel had some hard things to say when he began to speak to the captive Israelites. But he didn’t say a word until he had sat there and identified himself with them.

Challenge for Today: Can you, just for today, remember that some of your friends really can’t understand or identify with what is happening in your life? Can you reach out to those who do understand?