Five Finger Recovery: A good friend will be compassionate.

June 03, 2014: Five Finger Recovery: A good friend will be compassionate. Please "Share" this new Precious Prodigal Post: http://bit.ly/1l3eZUS

Job 6:14b  “…To him that is afflicted pity should be shewed from his friend”

We’ve been looking at the importance of friends and the character traits we will find in a good, healthy friendship. It’s sad that some friends separate themselves from people who are dealing with a prodigal. It’s almost as though they think it’s contagious. So the first thing is that a friend doesn’t disappear when our world falls apart.

Secondly, they know when to speak and when to remain silent…and we can trust that our broken-hearted confidences will be safe with them. Another indication that a friendship is healthy is that our friend will have compassion.

For those of us who love a prodigal, our path is often one of tears and disappointments. When we are broken-hearted over our prodigals, we need understanding and compassion rather than judgment from our friends. Unfortunately, people are much more likely than an army to shoot the wounded, and that is never more obvious than when someone in our family is acting out in destructive ways.

The first thing we can do is to remember that even well-meaning people can’t meet all our needs. They are not God, who can meet every need and to expect them to always understand is to set ourselves up for disappointment. Having said that, a friend isn’t going to add to your pain with thoughtless, cruel words.

A dear, hurting friend recently shared with me the latest crazy thing her prodigal had done. As she sat there weeping, she added that a “friend” who knew about the situation told her, “You know, of course, that you’re partly to blame for this?” Really? That came from a friend? The Bible verse that defines that kind of friend is Job 16:2 “miserable comforters are ye all.”

It may be that people like that have convinced themselves that they’re helping, but a good friend doesn’t add to the pain you are already carrying. And once a person shows you who they are, you would do well to remember. If they can’t be trusted with your pain, can they be trusted at all? I’m not saying you need to kick them to the curb…only that you can’t trust them to be part of your support.

Sometimes we can be part of the problem by puking out every sordid detail of what’s happening in our lives or in the lives of our prodigals to every person we know. Some people feel the need to tell every family member, friend and acquaintance and even post it on Facebook! I’m not saying we should keep secrets because we shouldn’t. But we can use common sense about what we share, where we share, and with whom we share.

We can show wisdom and discernment by reaching out for help or encouragement to a few people we can trust with our pain. Surrounding ourselves with negative, harsh people who seem almost glad to see our devastation isn’t going to help us in any way. However, the right kind of friend will show compassion and will be a source of strength when our world has fallen apart.

Challenge for Today: Can you, just for today, surround yourself with healthy, encouraging, trustworthy friends? Can you examine yourself to be sure you are showing compassion?