Five Finger Recovery: A good friend knows when to speak and when to be silent.

June 2, 2014: Five Finger Recovery: A good friend knows when to speak and when to be silent. Please "Share" this new Precious Prodigal Post: http://bit.ly/RXUOME

Proverbs 11:13 “A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.”

We’ve been looking at the importance of friends in this thing called five-finger recovery. And they are important, aren’t they? It can be a lonely path to walk for those of us who love a prodigal. Not only do most people not understand our prodigal, but they also can’t really comprehend the pain we’re in. A good and faithful friend can be a great help and encouragement in the difficult times.

We’ve looked at our expectations to see whether we’re being unreasonable and we’ve agreed that a good friend shows up during the bad times as well as the good. But there’s more to it than just “suiting up and showing up.” As we look at some other attributes of a good friend, it wouldn’t hurt to use our measuring stick to determine the kind of friend we are.

One thing that immediately comes to mind is a friend knows when to speak and when to be silent. (Eccl 3:7) I have yet to meet a person who hasn’t been hurt by gossip, and those of us who love a prodigal are too often the victims of it. When someone who claims to be our friend is the gossip, it feels like the worst kind of betrayal.

Our text in Proverbs tells us that those who are faithful won’t reveal our secrets or betray our confidence. I’m not talking about helping someone keep secrets about destructive behavior. Denying or helping someone else deny there’s an elephant in the living room isn’t helping anyone. But helping our friends see the truth and be honest with themselves isn’t the same as carrying that confidence to other places and other people and talking about it.

When I hear someone start “sharing” a concern, I’m often tempted to quote Scarlett O’Hara out of context by saying, “how you do run on…” If it’s voiced as a “prayer request,” that doesn’t mean it isn’t gossip. All the ladies in the prayer circle don’t need to know the details that were shared in confidence in order to pray effectively.

If they aren’t part of the problem or part of the solution, it’s not their business nor our story to tell. God already knows the need, and they don’t need to. A faithful friend can be trusted to keep your confidences.

Another part of knowing when to speak and when not to speak is understanding we don’t have any “magic words” that can change how a person feels, and we don’t have to. A precious friend lost her grandson in a tragic accident a few years ago. She called and asked me to come, so Harry and I immediately went to her house.

I was desperate to know the “right” thing to say and equally desperate that I not say the “wrong” thing. When we got there, I realized she didn’t need me to say anything at all. It was enough that I was there. Sometimes in the midst of a friend’s grief, they just need us to be there.

Challenge for Today: Can you, just for today, be thankful if you have one faithful friend? Can you choose to be a faithful friend yourself?