Five Finger Recovery: What can I expect from my friends when I love a prodigal?

May 30, 2014: Five Finger Recovery: What can I expect from my friends when I love a prodigal? Please "Share" this new post from Precious Prodigal: http://bit.ly/1oCyS8s

Eccl 4:10 “…but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”

We were created by God to be social creatures. His plan for us is not only that we will have fellowship with Him, but that we will also have fellowship with one another. The first part may be easier when we’re hurting, but the second one can become a challenge. That’s especially true if our hurt is from a prodigal.

I recently heard a woman talking about her disappointment in a friend. She had shared with this friend what was happening with her prodigal and been expected understanding and support. She felt, whether right or wrong, that she they didn’t get it and her conclusion was this person was not a good friend. I understand she was hurt, but I have to wonder whether the problem was the friend or her own expectations.

To begin with, people are just people, and they are going to disappoint us. Flesh and bones are just that…flesh and bones. Nowhere in Scripture are we told that we can trust in someone’s strength. In fact, Scripture cautions us not to trust the “arm of flesh.” (Jer 17:5) Our friends are just people and, like us, they can’t see the whole picture. Even if they could, they probably would not see our circumstances the same as we do.

But I thought a friend would…would what? What we can expect from friends is that they will act like the sinners they (and we) are.  It doesn’t mean they don’t care. But no matter how much they love us or how concerned they are about our situation, they will at some point disappoint us. How could they not? The only one who can be there for us consistently and meet the deepest needs of our hearts is God. And if we are expecting that kind of support from a person, we are setting ourselves up for hurt and disappointment.

I know all that, of course, and so do you. I even know that people can’t totally understand my pain or meet my needs. At least I know that most of the time. It’s when I begin to have expectations about people in general and friends in particular, that I’m bound to run into trouble. When I find myself thinking my friends aren’t loyal or compassionate or that they don’t care, I have to ask myself if I’m being reasonable. Am I expecting them to be as consumed by my pain as I am? If I am, that is so unfair because the crisis I’m facing may dominate my life, but my friends have their own lives…and probably their own crises as well.

The pain of loving a prodigal can make us selfish and self-centered if we’re not careful. And demanding from our friends what they cannot possibly give us is unfair and selfish in the extreme. Has your pain turned you into the kind of person that people hate to see coming? Are they afraid to ask how you are for fear you’ll tell them things they don’t need or want to hear? While we can’t change our friends any more than we can our prodigal, we can and we should take a look at ourselves and our expectations.

Challenge for Today: Can you, just for today, remember that your friends are just people and can’t always meet your needs? Can you take a look at your own expectations?

Reviews

[Jessica]

What good thoughts. It is so true that our expectations and misplaced hopes are often a source of trouble for us. You did a great job expressing that in a concise and relatable way. Truthfully, unreasonable expectations for others is a problem everyone faces in one form or another.