Five Finger Recovery: Is my prodigal more important than the rest of my family?

May 27, 2014: Five Finger Recovery: Is my prodigal more important than the rest of my family? Please "Share" this new Precious Prodigal Post: http://bit.ly/SNmWU2

Proverbs 31:27 “[A virtuous woman] looketh well to the ways of her household…”

Harry was responsible for the federal solid mineral operations for the United States. It was a stressful job, one that he loved, and he was devoted to it. Then he became very ill and wasn’t sure whether he would live. An illness like that gets your attention and makes you question your priorities, doesn’t it?

In the hospital, unable even to get out of bed, he began to make a list of what really mattered to him. He went even further by asking himself why those things mattered. His conclusion was that the only things of real value were his family and friends. Everything else was secondary, and some were even trivial.

One of the basic truths about having a prodigal is that the whole family suffers. If substance abuse is part of the problem, it doesn’t happen in a vacuum. While we can’t control our prodigal or how he interacts with our family, we can take ownership of our part of that equation. What do I mean?

When people we love are acting out in destructive ways, it’s easy to become so absorbed in their drama that we don’t have the time, energy or reserves to give to anyone else, even the people we love the most…our family. The easiest way to demonstrate that is to ask yourself some questions.

When is the last time you went out to dinner with your spouse and gave him or her your undivided attention without mentioning your prodigal? How many times have you missed a birthday party or some other family celebration because you were either busy with or worrying about your prodigal?

Have you had a conversation lately with a family member about what’s going on in their lives? Are you able to do that, or does every conversation focus on the prodigal, his needs, his behavior or how awful you feel about it?

But surely my husband and kids understand that my attention needs to be focused on the prodigal right now. Really? Does your entire focus need to be on one person to the exclusion of all the others? Is that what’s best for the prodigal and the rest of your family, and does your family really understand? No, and no, and no!

I don’t have to list the things we miss because we can’t see anything except our prodigal and the pain he or she has caused. You already know what they are if you think about it. What would happen if you and I tried to do things differently? We can’t change a behavior pattern in one day, but we can make a beginning.

Why not try calling one of your kids or another family member and have a conversation with them without one mention of the prodigal? Or perhaps you can turn off the phone for the evening and have a quiet dinner with your spouse…again, without mentioning your prodigal. Believe me when I say that any “emergency” phone call from your prodigal can wait half an hour. The rest of your family needs you too. And that’s part of “looking well to the ways of your household.”

Challenge for Today: Can you, just for today, take your eyes off your prodigal so you can see the rest of your family needs you?