Why do we caretake others while not taking care of ourselves?

May 23, 2014: Why do we caretake others while not taking care of ourselves? Please "Share" this new Precious Prodigal Post: http://bit.ly/1mevkWt

Song of Sol 1:6b "...they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept."

I’ve been writing about five-finger recovery for several days, and I’ve covered some basics. God needs to come first, and nothing else in our lives is going to even make sense until that’s in place. Our recovery comes next, and all of us are in “recovery” from one life crisis or another. It may not be a prodigal, but life and the people in it wound us…and those wounds need our attention to heal.

Most people don’t have a problem with those two. However, we often can’t see the need to take care of ourselves. Those of us who love a prodigal or are just caretakers in general often neglect our own needs and give until there’s nothing left. Then we wonder why we’re exhausted, irritable, depressed or physically sick. It’s not the needy people in our lives who have done that. We have done it to ourselves.

Why do we continue caretaking others while neglecting our own needs? Let’s look a little closer at our motives and try to see things from a different perspective. It’s unlikely we are sacrificing ourselves without an agenda, often a hidden one...sometimes even hidden from ourselves.

When I’m doing something unreasonable for my prodigal or for anyone else, it’s unlikely I’m doing that without some expectation. What am I expecting in return? It might only be gratitude or a change in behavior. But I’m certainly expecting something. Maybe you are too.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t help people, keeping in mind that it isn’t helping if we’re doing something the person should reasonably be doing for himself. But we need to do it “for fun and for free” with no expectations if we’re going to do it at all. If we are hurt, angry or disappointed in what people do after we’ve helped them, it’s because we’re expecting something. And if we’re expecting something in return, it isn’t free and it isn’t a gift, is it?

Another reason might be that it’s more comfortable to focus on the problems of others than it is to work on our own. God created us to be social creatures, and there’s nothing wrong with caring about others or in meeting a need. However, there needs to be a balance. If I always see myself as the helper and everyone else as needing help, what’s the underlying message there?

The woman in our text took good care of the vineyards of others. But she also neglected her own, which was certainly in need of care. There’s a basic truth there. It’s a lot more comfortable for me to help you work on your problems than it is to work on my own. And it’s a lot easier to see where you need to grow than it is to do the painful work of growing myself.

There might be other reasons we don’t take care of ourselves, and some of them may even be valid. However, the truth remains that we can’t spend so much time “keeping the vineyards” of others that our own is grown up and choked with weeds. So I’ll ask you again, “How’s your vineyard looking?”

Challenge for Today: Can you, just for today, take a look at your motives and make a choice to take care of yourself?