Five Finger Recovery: How do I begin taking care of myself?

May 21, 2014: Five Finger Recovery: How do I begin taking care of myself? Please "Share" this new Precious Prodigal Post: http://bit.ly/1gm5ujZ

Song of Sol 1:6b "...they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept."

It’s hard to find a starting place when I’m writing about taking care of yourself…probably because I don’t do it well when I do it at all. But I’m better than I was, and that progress gives me hope that I can and will continue to improve.

If you saw yourself in those simple examples yesterday, you might be saying, “Ok, but how do I start taking care of myself?” My own experience and that of many others tells me the first step is to tell yourself (and believe it) that it’s ok to have your own needs met. That’s hard to do if years of hurt and disappointment have destroyed your self-confidence and taken your hope.

Several friends have shared with me recently how their self-esteem was damaged not only by what other people said to or about them, but also what they are saying to themselves. Setting limits on the behavior we will accept from others may take a while, but choosing how we talk to ourselves can start immediately.

I’m not going to list the ugly things we often say about ourselves. They don’t deserve print space, and you already know what they are. You’ve no doubt heard them from your own prodigal anyway. Instead, I’m going to suggest that we replace them with positive things.

How about these to start with? “Christ valued me enough to die for me.” “I’m not perfect, but I have value.” “I’m getting better.” Say them out loud, write them down, and hang them all over your house if you need to. Write them on your mirror, carry them on index cards, and read them over and over again. Because our thoughts become actions, our actions become habits, and our habits become the way we live and how we view the world and our place in it.

Maybe your own choices or actions in the past are haunting you today. That wastes an unbelievable amount of energy…and for what? May I gently remind you that you can’t change one single thing from your past? All you can do…indeed, all you need to do…is to be the best person you can be today. Forgive yourself and move on.

Along with some positive self-talk, I’m going to suggest something radical, and it involves asking yourself a question. What would you be doing today if you weren’t stressing about the other people in your life, trying to “help” them do the right thing or to keep them from doing the wrong thing or helping them avoid the consequences of what they’ve already done?

Would you be having lunch with a friend? Reading a good book? Going on a trip to the mountains? Or maybe you would be doing something even more exciting like going back to school or taking an art or writing class. Choose one thing you’d be doing if your life were not in chaos and go do it. In recovery support groups, they call that, “take the body, and the mind will follow.” Start small if you must, but start. As for me? I’m going to be writing some poetry.

Challenge for Today: Can you, just for today, be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to enjoy your day?