Time is running away

Introduction and and short bio

Here i am. Alone, confussed,
unhappy and lost. I look at myself. My 50 year old body. I look great i think to myself for my age...well that and...

It was april i was trying to force myself to open up and get out. How ironic i think to myself. Im told i am brave as i see the scars on my lower body. The wrapped up leg. Humph im told i am brave. How i say the the ceiling? How i brave? I am still a man amd i still live in shame ignoring my inner crying.

I sit down on my couch and think. I think of the beauty i am but cant be because well im gutless. Say it, admit it I goad myself. I will never know happiness until i do. Ok. Ok i grumble to myself.shhh i put my pwn finger up to my lips shhhh i say to myself.

Shut the f**k up i tell my scared side. Be real. Ok. Man if i do this i say to the mirrior on the wall. F**k it.

I am trans and i love men like a real females like men. Ok there i stand laughing because i have only spoke this it text. I dont dare say it to loud.

Im 50. Ive wasted my entire life. All those years i longed for the miracle of hormones and implants. I have longed to do house work. Laundry. I would love to do the job natural women dont want to any more.. I cant for the life of me understand. I remember how naturally fem i was. How i could pass but not anylonger

Oh how i long to meet my future man. My...husband. the one to take me away from crowded people life and wraps me up in love.makes me feel safe as i transition as best i can.

For that i give him honor. It is my job to make my Husband satified. I love that feeling. When im still sore but i give him my everything. I love to be made love to.

I can see it now. You come into the room. Open your robe showing me all the manhood God gave me to please. I reach i stroke. I slowly run my tounge around my mans sex organ. How i love to give head. I take him slowly in my mouth making love to a penis with my mouth. I remember when i took you in my body giving you all of me. I stare into your eyes as i ride my man i say i love you as he ravishes my body.

I would be graphic and tell you more. But for this time i will stop here. It hurts my heart to go further.

I do remeber the day we got married. My diet made me long and lean. My curves came back.

I stop myself and say now is the time. I know my man is ready for me anywhere as long as its private. I wish i could yell to him to take me im ready. Take my body take my heart. I may not pass anymore but i would work the rest of my life to perfect my transition. Own me take me. Wisk me away. Take me. Take control i give you everything. I hear no words of relief. Time is running away. Tine is running away from us.