Population Problem: A Meeting of Gods

[Disclaimer: The story does not intend to hurt anybody's religious sentiments. It is purely for the purpose of entertainment, art and awareness.]

How irresponsible are you? It’s too late, do it fast. Tell me, who are our next targets? asked Yamaraja furiously to Chitragupta.

 

Sir, it’s not my fault. It’s database error. Unable to access too much records.

 

Too much? Which version of the software are you using?

 

It’s the latest version and I also implemented suitable normalization and other database practices but the problem is, its limit is crossed. On an average, in every 2 minutes there is a new birth in India. They are making it like Maggie, even Maggie takes more than 2 minutes.

 

Now what to do? Should we leave our jobs?’ annoyingly he said.

 

No sir, that’s even more risky. If the Indians find these two seats vacant, they can try for it too. Unemployment problem sir!

 

Huh, let me call Bhrama. Only he can give a solution.

 

And he makes a call.

 

Hello dude, wassup?

 

Nothing, as usual, listening to your Bhabhi and her loafer son. Both have problems with current status of Prithviloka (Earth), said Brahma.

 

And what are they?’ asked Yama.

 

Sara (short for Saraswati) is complaining that, she has blessed all the Indians for their good prospects. Many of them are now well educated, then why are they not employed?

 

Hmm and what about Narada?

 

He routinely goes to Prithviloka to roam. But these days, he is irritated of the rush on the roads, in malls, in buses and trains, even in public toilets.

 

What about you? Aaj kese yaad kar lia bhai ko?’ asked Brahma to Yama.

 

Yaar, same problem. Database has crossed its limit. Chitragupta is unable to find the names of today’s targets.

 

After a short contemplating, Brahma said- let’s have a meeting to solve this issue. Call all the deities and also send an invitation to Yue Lao and Nuwa using hike. They are also fighting with the same problem. If interested, they can come.

 

Yue Lao and Nuwa are the gods of marriage, love and of creating mankind in Chinese mythology, respectively.

 

Why hike?’ asked Yama.

 

Free sms bro, whether they have a hike account or not and also its an Indian App.

 

Got it.

 

At 2 pm all deities arrived at Brahmaloka along with Yue Lao and Nuwa.

 

We all are here today to listen to your opinions and ideas to resolve the population problem in India as well as in China. Ladies first please, said Brahma folding both hands in our traditional Namaste fashion.

 

Taking advantage of women quota, Saachi (wife of Indra) climbed to make her point. According to me, the word SEX swirls all the time in their mind because it is very simple. We can reverse the word as ‘XES’. It would be difficult to say and so difficult to do.

 

Everyone in the hall was stunned !!

 

Recovering from it, Indra said, "I apologies", it’s not her fault. Being Alia Bhatt fan, it’s normal for her. My dear Indrani, it is a serious matter, please not now, politely Indra addressed Saachi.

 

Taking a sip of his Soma Rasa (divine juice) Indra said- I can make a heavy rainfall all the time using my thunderbolt. Enough of population, they can’t even think of sex.

 

Totally bullshit, heavy rains will cause floods everywhere and simple rain can create a trouble only for poor people but not for the rich ones. For your information, there is more fun in rain, even I have tried it. Said tall, young and handsome Kamadeva ( Deva of kaam sorry kama or longing).

 

Other goddess jealously smiled at Rati (wife of Kamadeva).

 

Suddenly a dreadful voice jolted the hall, I will destroy all of them in a while. Neither they will exist nor any new can born.

 

Calm down, calm down Bholenath. There is nothing to destroy, they are very good people. Last time I spent three nights at Calangute beach in Goa, said Narada. Showing a selfie with three girls (of course having pout) he said, you too should visit there, so much fun. Plenty of divine juices, very affordable and better than our somarasa.

 

Huh, I only need gaanja and bhaang. I am good at Kailash, replied Shiva.

 

Finding space from crowd Yue said- '们可以使他们同性恋者。这将是最好的办法以解决此-题。

 

(English Translation-We can make them homosexual. This could be the best idea for this problem).

 

“Invite a guest only when you talk and he listens, Ignore in other cases. " Arnab Gauswami.”

 

Everyone in the hall ignored him just as Arnab does.

 

Now Vishnu said- Implement it as a sin in their minds for above 2 children.

 

Sin? Laughed Narada. They are habitual of this ‘SIN’ thing. They all know, at the end there would be a “Swargiya” (late) tag on their portrait not a Narkiya (hell). They are not afraid of this heaven-hell game.

 

Here Nuwa tries with her idea- '们可以实施一种扣像一只-。'们知",未绝™不可以"一个捆扎,在这种情况下,它将所需的一个孩子的出"。

 

(English translation- We can implement a tie like dogs. We know that b*****s can give birth without a tie but in this case it would be required a tie between male and female for a child’s birth.)

 

Placing both hands on her mouth Saachi giggled while others got embarrassed of thinking about it.

 

They are human beings, they have solutions for every problem and problems for every solution, said Ganesha.

 

After all this Brahma went to Ganesha and said, you are the god of intellectuality. Why are you not suggesting us?

 

Sure, I’ll but right now I am famished. You didn’t arrange this meeting from my point of view. I need fresh Modaka every hour, don’t you know that?

 

Narada ran to Parvati, mata how can we arrange fresh modaka at the moment. Please help us.

 

Parvati smiled and changed her avatar to Annapurna (Annapurna is an avatar of parvati) and served sweet modaka to her naughty son.

 

All members in the hall waited till little Ganesha finished his meal and took a loud burp.

 

At last Ganesha came in the center of the hall and said, With due respect to the trimurti (Brahma, Vishnu and Mahesha), I always had a complaint with your creation activity, especially with Brahma ji.

 

And what is that?’ asked Brahma.

 

You are the creator of the universe but I don’t find harmony in your creations. Here we are talking about population problem which is directly related to sex. I had a very simple question from a very long time. 

May I ask?

 

Sure! Said Brahma.

 

Why humans are continuous breeders while other creatures are seasonal or opportunistic breeders? Why female in seasonal breeders have one or more estrus cycle only when she is in heat (or season), at other times of the year, they are anestrus? Why sex in animals is only for reproduction process while human, pigs and dolphins have this

for pleasure?

 

In a line he asked three questions instead of one.

 

Nuwa clapped as Ganesha finished, following her everyone in the hall did the same.

 

My suggestion is, apply this seasonal system to all and see the result, said Ganesha.

 

Brahma discussed it with Shiva and Vishnu and then ordered Kamadeva. I want you to free your arrows ones in a year, that too only for a season.

 

(Kamadeva is a god of love and desire, who wields a bow and arrows. His arrows are decorated from five types of fragrant flowers where each one has a special erotic meaning. It is said that love, desire and longing are all effects of his arrows.)

 

Kamadeva nodded with his agreement.

 

We will check its effects for three years. If it is helpful then, we will continue with it else will plan something else.

 

Both Yue and Nuwa promised to implement it for their country people too.

 

I didn’t expect such negligence from human on this serious problem. Their unawareness made this worst situation that even we (deities) have to discuss it. I personally had never imagined that I have to face this day. It was a big question mark on my creation, said Brahma morosely.

 

It’s not your fault sir. It’s their negligence. Don’t worry; let them suffer from our new plan, Said Yama.

 

Again Brahma made his Namaste gesture to thank all for their presence and said, let see what happens?I hope they will understand.

 

                                                                   ***The End***

 

It’s a fictional short story which we all know is impractical. In spite of knowing this, it is written to pinpoint the population problem that we are facing today in our nation. Our population is growing so fast that, it grows in geometric progression whereas economic goods grow only in arithmetic progression. This story raise a question for us- What would have happened, if things would have turned out bit differently as Story?

Author's Note

comments are welcome.

Reviews

[Shubham Joshi]

Quite a humour, you made a good one out of our populace problem but there are some grammatical errors over which you can look and secondly it is rather good if you put a dialogue in between inverted commas, "HI", like that which will help in better understanding of your story.

[Prashant Pandey]

thanks brother for your suggestion :)

[Shubham Joshi]

you are welcome

[Jeyanthi]

Very nice. This can even be skit or screen play..
We can't change human insticts... it seems like God has bigger problems than us .. 😅

[Solar]

So the gods had to re-programme the humans? The results would make a humorous sci-fi story.

[Miyank]

I could not stop laughing. CLAPS! You can really write a modern mythology. HATS OFF!!

[CA Anurag Sharma]

Arnab Goswami was awesome... his introduction was just a highlight of this awesome piece.. but people from other countries may not have heard about him....
Humour is a very difficult thing to write and you just nailed it...good one

[Avinash]

I found it quite entertaining especially the line "On an average, in every 2 minutes there is a new birth in India. They are making it like Maggie, even Maggie takes more than 2 minutes".

[Prashant Pandey]

thanks Avinash :-)