Prologue- A New Light Shines

 

My Story (currently has no name...)

 

 

                        Prologue

 

 

“Presenting Her Majesty, Elf Queen of Quistella…”

Cacilia sat impatiently as the royal guard introduced the queen. Her Majesty, Queen Qiana had announced a surprise meeting for the Council Of Protectors, and Cacilia, who was the queens most powerful elfish sorceress and most trusted advisor had noticed the note of urgency in Qiana’s voice as she had announced the meeting the previous night. She had not told anyone the purpose of this gathering and Cacilia, as I noticed, was not the patient type. She sat eagerly waiting for the guard to finish announcing the King and Queen’s entrance.

“Her royal Highness, Queen Qiana!” The guard concluded.

Everyone stood up and bowed respectfully. “All hail Queen Qiana” They chorused. The Queen merely nodded her head and sat down. There was a solemn look on her and her tear-streaked face indicated that she’d been crying quite a lot. What could have made her queen so upset? Cacilia thought. She tucked a strand of her straight black hair behind her pointy elf-like ear, as she always did when she was nervous. The council sat down and waited for the royal guard to announce the entrance of the Elf King, King Quenten. In elfish traditions, the queen was always introduced before the king..a sort of a best-for last thing, but in this case, superior for last. But strangely, the royal guard remained silent. He didn’t present the king, which would have sent him to the dungeons under normal circumstances. But this was most certainly NOT normal.

The crowd murmured in confusion. Cacilia conjured a red light in her hand which, in an elfish court was a sign seeking permission to speak. The queen nodded, and Cacilia voiced the others thoughts. “Where is our dear King Quenten?” She asked. I, for one was armed with a million other questions. You see, I read people’s thoughts by seeing a light in their minds. That’s how I knew what Cacilia, my aunt was thinking. I am not an official member of the Council of Protectors, since I’m too young. The only reason I’m here is because Queen Qiana herself requested me to be present at this meeting. But, like the others, I have no clue about what’s going on here. I am Onella Marsinel, Elementalist of light.

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What is an elementalist, you may ask? The correct question would be, WHO is an elementalist? Well, an Elementalist is a special human (yes only a HUMAN…and not ALL humans) who can control any element which is special to them. Mine is light, so I can control light… light is who I am and what is in me. So anyways, back to the meeting of the Council. We were all puzzled by the fact that King Quenten hadn’t come. It was crucial for him to be at any meeting held with the Council of Protectors. Suddenly, the queen stood and raised her hand, indicating that the Council should remain silent as she spoke. Everyone raised their heads expectantly at the queen. Qiana then said- “Onella Marsinel, please come to the platform.”

Everybody gasped. It was extremely rare for anybody to come to the platform and sit along the queen and king, especially me. First of all, I’m not a member of the council as said before, but I’m not an elf either.

My mother is one, but she married a human elementalist, my dad, Creten Marsinel. My father’s element is light, just like mine. He is, or should I say was, very powerful before….before my mom, Fiora Marsinel (also known as her elfen/maiden name Fiora Quandaro) died. My father grieved over her death, and finally gave up magic over the loss of his wife, my mother. I was pretty sad too, but I was only one year old when she passed away. Because my father could no longer use magic, he was banished from Quistella and sent back down to earth, while I was left in the care of my dear aunt, Cacilia Quandaro, my mother’s older sister.

So getting back to the fact that I, a non elf was called to the stage—well frankly, it’s strange I was even called to this meeting---

I brushed my wavy blond hair out of my face and rushed to the floating platform here Queen Qiana stood.  The elfish kingdom is enchanted by magic to float in the middle of the sky. Its way, way higher than any plane can fly, so its protected from human eyes...well, its invisible to humans anyway. And rockets-the “atmosphere” is actually our kingdom. Our elfish magic is so strong that the humans had to build those strong, flying metal cans to get through the *ahem* “ATHMOSPHERE”, our invisible kingdom to mortals. Poor humans, we have to reduce our magic so the rockets can actually get through!

I reached the platform and a yellow seat appeared next to me. Everyone has a power-color. Mine is Yellow. A power color is a color any magical being can relate to. It’s like a boost-up if you’re in a tight situation. You can summon the essence of the color and it will give you extra energy.

On the platform, I sat down and waited with the rest of the council for the queen to speak again. “All your questions shall be answered, but first, Cacilia Quandaro’s question.” Qiana sighed took a deep breath and continued—“Our king Quenten has been kidnapped by Zandall.”

 

Gasps and shock echoed around the room. The elves murmured and discussed among themselves and chaos erupted. I couldn’t really blame them. Zandall is one of the---sorry, THE MOST---evil elementalist who ever existed. He hates that the elves are more superior in position than the elementalists and he has a whole army of dwarves, gnomes (yes, GNOMES) and other elementalists to support him. And he’s really powerful. His element is lightning.

Let me tell you all the elements. There are 5 good elements- Fire, wind, water, earth and Light. There are 4 bad elements- Lightning(Zandall’s), Black fire, shadow and Ice.

“SILENCE!” The queen thundered. I winced. The gentle queen could be pretty fierce when she wanted to. “This is exactly what Zandall would want us to do-fall into chaos” Qiana exclaimed. “And the last thing our king would want of us. We must remain calm and discuss this matter thoroughly. A red light glowed in Seron’s hand. Seron is king Quenten’s advisor. “How was the kidnapping carried out, your majesty?” he questioned.

“That’s the worst part!” The queen replied fearfully. “We don’t know. If there was a flaw in the security system, we could expect an invasion now, any point of time.”

“Your majesty, if I may ask,” Cacilia said, “How was this carried out under Seron’s watch?”

 

I glanced over at Seron to see a powerful blast of energy flow into his palm. "How dare you suggest--?"

 

 

"I didn't suggest, Seron, merely asked an innocent question...and a very accurate observation" Cacilia retorted. "I assure you your majesty, I know nothing of what may have happened to the king. He sent me to fetch a glass of ale for him...when I came back, he was gone." Seron said defensivley.

 

 

"Cacilia, even though yours was an honest opinion, I would trust Seron with my life. I can assure you and the rest of the council that Seron doesn't  have anything to do with this." The Queen explained.

 

 

I noticed Seron glancing at my aunt with a smug look on his face. Cacilia just ignored it and focused her attention on the Queen. "Now, the reason I called Onella Marsinel,  elementalist of light is because she is not an elf."

 

 

I groaned. I hated being thought of as an outcast. Now it was public humiliation. "Triton, please bring the sphere" The queen commanded to the royal guard.

 

 

Author's Note

Please give me suggestions on how to improve it if you have any...It would help alot.

Reviews

[Lorelee Tate]

An interesting beginning. I have some suggestions for you.

I would recommend introducing Onella's point of view a little earlier. There were several sentences at the very beginning that made me think the chapter would be in third person, with Cacilia as the point of view character. Once Onella was introduced as the "I," I got a little confused. See if there's any way to have more of Onella's perspective, instead of giving Cacilia the focus at first.

There was a lot of explaining in this chapter, of Onella going back to clarify something instead of just proceeding with the story, such as when she talks about what an elementalist is. I thought this detracted a little from the plot, especially because I didn't think everything that was explained was essential for the reader to know. The reader doesn't need to know every little detail from the very beginning of the story, not when there's an entire novel to make a lot of these things clear. Try to avoid just telling things like that, and let the reader connect the dots when these things are presented during the story.

I thought that Onella's point of view was a little unrealistic at times. She says things like "You see," which is somewhat formal, and then goes to something like, "a lot." I just didn't think the tone of her language was very constant. I would suggest thinking about how someone in Onella's position would speak. Has she been well educated, or was she left to teach herself?

This is just a short suggestion, but I really think it would be a good idea to come up with a new name for Onella's father, Creten. That's just one letter away from cretin, which, according to the dictionary, means "a stupid, obtuse, or mentally defective person."

I didn't really understand why Seron was so upset. Cacilia said that she didn't know how such a thing could happen during his watch, which I took to mean that she didn't think he was negligent in his duties. Unless she was being sarcastic, I don't think that's something he should take offense at.

The ending seemed a little abrupt to me, like it just stopped in the middle of the chapter. I know that sometimes ending a chapter after a turning point produces suspense, but here I felt like it was just sudden and there hadn't really been enough suspense built up. It seemed almost like the chapter wasn't done being written.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. I'm very glad that this prologue is more than just an old historical account of something insignificant, as so many others are.

Lora

[Kayla]

This was very good. I really enjoyed reading these chapters I found them outstanding.

[glitter]

loved it

[Dawn]

I dont know how to do notes hun, but i liked the way moonlight did them i will go ask how. and be back. Welcome to the w c .
A fellow Dawn

[Moonlight]

Well, if you insist, :D.
I really liked the whole story idea, it's fascinating and I'm sure it'll draw a lot of readers. For my suggestions. look at the notes.