Happy Ending

The first story written by me based on successful love story... Be feel to criticize if you see any error...Really need your suggestions to improve

Her father gave her hand into his, priest changed some mantras and the rituals of 'Kanyadaan' were being performed. Then they stood up for the seven rounds around sacred fire each with special promise. After the second round the groom took his lady in his arms and promised to keep her like queen. In the next ritual they had to look into each other's eyes. 'you won't be able to meet my high demands like papa' the bride teased his groom. The groom smiled and replied 'your father kept you like princess and I will keep you like my queen.'
This love story which now got converted into the purest bond and togetherness of lives was started in their college days.
They both were persuing the degree of BTech from renowned college. One day, the girl was returning from her college a group of goons was misbehaving with her. The boy was coming that way and noticed everything from a distance. He called the police and got them arrested. The girl followed the boy to thank him but couldn't talk to him. She saw only his side face and confirmed he was her batchmate. Next day in class she watched every one and after the lecture she went to that boy. They greeted each other. 'I don't have words to thank you for yesterday. Thanku so much.' the girl said to the boy. 'no need of thanks dear it was my duty. If you have any problem you can approach me anytime without hesitation' the boy replied. The girl proposed the boy for a coffee and he agreed. They chatted for long and finally became good friends. They started feeling for each other. And one day finally the boy invited her for lunch and told her what he feels for her. But they knew their families won't agree at any cost because of the different castes. And they had also decided that if they would marry with family support. Months and years went and finally both families agreed after 5 years struggle of the lovers. They were very impatient for this day like most of them.
And this day is finally a dream come true.
'come to your home my Queen' the groom said and opened the car's gate. When the girl came out she saw the path to the entrance of home was covered with rise petals. She gently kicked the out fuk of rice and finally b the left came to her own house. The groom took his girl in his arms and to her to his room which was finally 'their' now. Every thing was decorated as they had decided before marriage. They hugged each other when the reached their room. 'Officially got uh now' the big daud and kissed her forehead. 'love you babu'. 'love you tons janu'

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is a well-written story for your first one, especially. I feel a ton of love & sincerity in the way you write, plus you include good details so we can understand each situation. I am not suggesting that you change this story, but I'll give you some suggestions to keep in mind for future writing . . .

1. When you do dialogue, there should be a new paragraph when a different person speaks. It's confusing to put more than one person speaking, all in the same paragraph. Also, it's good to add a little description of your speaker, called a "tag" after the dialogue -- these can be observations to help the reader visualize the speaker as they are speaking -- for example, she brushed back her long hair -- this gives the reader more of an idea what she looks like & what are her mannerisms.

2. To continue on with the idea of using more imagery . . . remember to include all the senses. Let your reader see & hear & smell & taste & feel each different thing you are telling in your story. Show me the way they are dressed or if someone smells like perfume or if there are birds twittering in the trees above the ceremony. These are ways to make your story come alive with sensory imagination.

Still, you're doing great for your first story. They always say -- write what you know -- and I love it when I can learn about other cultures that I do not know *smile* Fondly, Margie

[pragya gaur]

Thanks for the read and thanks for suggestions

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Welcome back pragya! Your story is so fascinating. Great first story try for you- you have much talent! This is well-written and teaches us much about traditions in your country. It is like a Romeo and Juliet tale. So glad for the happy ending though! Congrats!

[pragya gaur]

Thanks for the motivation ma'am... Means a lot❤

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful story with a happy ending. I like this. Nice use of description leading to a good ending. Thank you Pragya for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[pragya gaur]

Thanks for the read

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Priyanshi]

Mainly, many love stories doesn't get complete because of the rejection of partners from different caste...
and your first story writing, i really appreciate....it is good.

[pragya gaur]

Thanks a lot dear

[Najam Us Saher]

People don't really agree on different caste marriages, that fact has been mentioned nicely. You need to improve on paragraph structure and dialogue writing, I am sure that you will definitely improve. Don't let my words discourage you.
Last paragraph second line it should be 'rose'

[pragya gaur]

Thanks Najam for the review thanks for pointing errors.. They help me to improve.... N last para second line it was 'Officially got uh now' the groom said and kissed her forehead sorry it was typing mistake

[Najam Us Saher]

It's okay, no worries. You are most welcome.