Crawling ~

Words!

You can be the saltiness but I am the cream on top
Moving like a patron, Moving like a ship
Moving all around but you cannot whip
You  can’t  mix  the saltiness in the cream of my way
So, You are unrecognized even if you fall

Grabbing my end is too tough for you
Sliding to the bottom of my heart isn’t an option
You are a Sin who can kill along the sweet
and I know that baby, don’t you underestimate me

I am the wind of this Universe
I can wave you around like a feather
You can take your Rover and run
but, you won’t get the piece of my Creaminess 
so, you are unrecognized even if you fall

Grasping the line of your shoulder  
I was moving very fast, You made me live
but I became accessible to death
you were my spoon of butter, the soul of my crème

But, you tried to steal my Soul
and loaded it with Charcoal
You were running ahead but, you can’t fly
you are the Salt along the line, so Stupefy!

Don’t you try to whip
because you can’t mix the saltiness in the cream of my way

you are unrecognized even if you fall!

Reviews

[Mirror]

Dear, good passionate write. well done. Let me give you my picture while reading your powerful words...

There is a hard rhythm here that struggles with the flow;

"But, you tried to steal my Soul
and loaded it with Charcoal
You were running ahead but, you can’t fly
you are the Salt along the line, so Stupefy!"

The voice of the poem sounds like one who is putting up a defence and making it clear that he or she is not a fool. He/she also intimidates saying, "I am the wind of this Universe
I can wave you around like a feather
You can take your Rover and run
but, you won’t get the piece of my Creaminess
so, you are unrecognized even if you fall "

the warning he/she gave is strong:
"Grabbing my end is too tough for you
Sliding to the bottom of my heart isn’t an option
You are a Sin who can kill along the sweet
and I know that baby, don’t you underestimate me"

[Pragati Chaudhary]

You are excellently right Mirror :)
Toooo Glad you loved this :)
Thankyou soo much!read moreYou are excellently right Mirror :)
Toooo Glad you loved this :)
Thankyou soo much!
Yes it's there- The agony of being in Love and then ridiculed!

[Jimmy Yetts]

A multi-layered feminist declaration; vividly imaged, metaphorically rich and laden with insight.
Impressive!

[Pragati Chaudhary]

Thankyou Soo much Jimmy
:)

[Rahul]

"You can be the saltiness but I am the cream on top... "

Liked the flavorism of thoughts that u have well used in this poetry... using such decorative words. Basically, the agenda of this poem says: "A gurl is even more like a "loaf of cream" herself --- so full of sweetness --- & can't be replaced with "salt-iness"... no matter how hard darkness tries coating her with "charcoal"... further which u have already thought-provokingly rephrased in these given lines:

"you tried to steal my Soul
and loaded it with Charcoal... "

Very deep... honest... and totally a "womania" write it is... written & treasured with the magnetism of love-vibes.

[Pragati Chaudhary]

Uhhhh!
Your review made my day :)
Thankyou sooo much
Yes, One should never underestimate a girl....:D
Yeah, Somehow I always write with a depth!
Thankyou again for all the Love Rahul!
Keep reading~