I Still Cry

I wrote this poem when my best friend broke up with me... hope it means something to you, and feel free to give some poetry advice!

I Still Cry

We hungered for love - costly love we found.
But we made blunders and attempted suicides,
without embracing laughter and our tender lips,
our precious treasure withered deep inside.

I still cry - amid diamonds and galaxies aglow -
with our pseudo-friends spiraling around
You! Both my friend and lover arrive and go.
I still cry - what’s life without you, my carnal drive?
Does a wonderful life depend on love alone -
without loving myself first and pursue my dreams
then love myself - this aching, aching, aching overgrown?
I loathe this melancholy - the love that died,
for letting our constant dreads to paralyze,
for Dependence - our Weaknesses, our Wretchedness,
instead of Nurturing - our Hearts - we’d have survived.

                                       

Reviews

[Sarah]

I really liked this! This is definitely very poetic in the sense that you utilize a subtle slant rhyme which makes the poem flow and sound very natural and yet, since it's not a perfect rhyme or rhythm, the energy and emotion behind the piece is that much stronger. I especially enjoyed the lines "without loving myself first and pursue my dreams / then love myself - this aching, aching, aching overgrown?" the repetition of both 'aching' and 'love myself' work really well here, I would love to hear this read out loud. Great job!

[Linear]

Amen Brother, But on the brighter side heartbreak aids our writing, for in the deepest depths of our despondency, come's an understanding of emotional pain that rips and tears hearts apart, and thus you can write such beautiful poetry as this. well done

[SR Urie]

Mr. Sloane,
Superb description of how one deals internally with love that is lost, with a relationship gone by the wayside, one you "held up so close in your hand" (Eagles). And I'm sure that you've heard this one before but this too will pass, my friend; time heals all wounds - another cliche' ? life goes on- and after time it becomes difficult to try to open one's heart again because of the inevitable end of romance. What can I say, man? We've all been there dude, and life's a b***h - then you marry one.

Good prose, sir. keep it up! BZ

[Jibey]

I found this moving and powerful... The pain and turmoil of the relationship is made clear, and the lost love and 'carnal drive'. The repetition of 'aching' works well, and the lessons drawn of needing to nurture hearts that now suffer from their withering loss..