Flubbed Fable

Once upon a time
(that tired old cliche)
There lived a Prince in a castle
(which is where they normally do, unless you're the artist formerly known as, but that's a completely different story)
This Prince
(we'll call him Steve)
Was set to-

-Steve?! Do I look like a Steve? Surely you could have chosen a better name than that.

I'm just reading the words on the page. I didn't write this story.

I mean, if anything, I'm more of a Mortimer or a Frankie.

Who's ever heard of the Prince named Frankie?

Who's ever heard the prince named Steve?

Anyway...Prince Steve

Frankie!

Prince...Frankie, was set to wed on this day
(as is tradition when you turn 36)
to the most beautiful maiden in all of the kingdom

But I don't want to be married.

Quite you.
The only problem was that at his age, most women were already married. Except of course for a maiden who worked in the castle.

Marry the help? Are you mad? A Prince is supposed to marry a Princess.

Your options are limited. Just go with it.
On a Tuesday afternoon, Prince Frankie was strolling through the downtown marketplace, when he came across an old beggar woman who was being bludgeoned with a fish.

I say. I say. That's horrid!

Isn't it though?

I know. At these prices, you can't afford to be wasting fish.

I think you're missing the point. The moral issue here is-

-You be the narrator. I'll be the main character.

Duly noted.
When he spotted the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

You're beautiful. Magnificent. Statues should be carved in your image.

Ahem.
That's a mirror. Your supposed to come across a beautiful maiden.

Oh. Right. Right.
Until we meet again my love.