A Life Changing Moment

A Story by PorterColeman

I wrote this during Chemistry class. It's different. Tell me what you think.

A lone boy who stood atop his familiar balcony let his lungs fill with tonic air. He allowed a mist to seep from a narrowly shaped mouth as if the crisp aroma he held captive was a powerful drug disconnecting him from reality. He overlooked the town he had been allocated to the entirety of his short life. He takes in his familiar surroundings, observing the view he had subconsciously studied countless times in the past. A graveyard sat adjacent to the parking lot where his familiar car rested. Behind the boy a clock ticks. A neighboring apartment building that resided in front of the boy encompassed most of his view. He was not alone on that night, other residents trudged around their apartments, carrying out their everyday lives, but none simply stood and enjoyed the atmosphere as he did every night prior.

The boy inhaled once more.

The boy observed a man, middle aged and solemn in his ways, sitting behind his computer, typing sluggishly at a keyboard as he ignored the environment outside of his window. The fading grey tint that laid in his once youthful and black hair illuminated in the moonlight. The bags of exhaustion that had built up under his eyes displayed the stress the working man experienced frequently. What most individuals refrained from analyzing in the man’s eyes was the lack of drive that lies beneath. The man wore a plain grey shirt paired with once appealing blue jeans, that have long since faded to a dull shade.

The boy noted that the man was successful. The apartment where he resided was impressive and filled with silent luxuries. On his desk was a picture of his family, a woman and a pair of children, jovial with grins. The children were most likely gone by then. The entirety of the man’s working life was devoted to supporting them, and now they have abandoned him to continue the endless cycle of the middle class life. However, the man continues to work to satisfy his role in a pointless, yet functional society. The boy ponders, how can a man with so much, have so little.

An empathetic sensation surfaced deep inside the boy’s soul. The boy reminisces over his own life, and with a sinking heart, he recognizes similarity. The boy awakens every morning at a time much to early for his liking, goes to school that he loathes and receives an ample amount of pointless information along with peers who he despises with a select few exceptions.

A haunting intellectual superiority is possessed by the boy, restraining him from being a familiar sheep in a herd that is society. Yet, he acts as if he is a sheep. He does homework he doesn't enjoy while his mind craves different tasks, he plans to go to college and receive a degree, he even mocks what he enjoys because his peers do so. At that moment, the boy suddenly felt a chain that has existed for generations wrapped around his neck. Keeping him hostage to his pointless and familiar role in society.

Behind him, the clock ticks again. He overlooked the graveyard once more, and suddenly it seemed so near.

For the slightest moment in time, the boy considers jumping.

He breathed out, the mist dispersed from his body, and he walked off of his familiar balcony.

© 2015 PorterColeman

Author's Note

Tell me what you think. First story on here and constructive comments would greatly be appreciated.

My Review

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Featured Review

Number Six

Interesting.
I felt quickly identified by the story's plot, since feeling "out" of regular society tends to be common in writers.
Grammar seems to be correct, although there are a few words that often strike me as odd choices, such as the sentence: "The children seemed to be gone by them" Is the word 'them' intended or is it a typo?

Other than those little few details, there is nothing wrong with the story.
Quite the contrary: The atmosphere is enticing and relatable, and the pacing seems ideal.

Good work. Keep writing!